Mother jumper

Leaving the Dollar Store the other day (shut, I do NOT spend too much time there) I had the opportunity to witness a young boy leaping out from behind a shopping cart to scare his mother. That was funny enough, but his mother’s startled and angry reaction made me laugh so hard, I almost had to go back into the store to pick up some dollar diapers.

Lewiston, Idaho

A scuffle over an American flag in the back of a car window at a Lewiston cafe parking lot left an 80-year-old man with two broken ribs and resulted in charges of aggravated battery against a 61-year-old Lewiston man. Crazy, huh? It didn’t happen here. It happened in Lewiston, Idaho. Again. I’m telling you, people, that little burg out in the middle of the country has stolen our weirdness.

AP rules!

Not. Those weasels have pronounced that journalists from now on should spell out all state names, no matter how long and cumbersome and stupid. If I seem to be avoiding writing about big news involving people from that state in which Boston resides, you’ll know why. I have never once spelled “Massachoosits” correctly on the first try.

Alarming

While the Auburn School Committee was taking care of mundane business in the middle of last week, somebody managed to trip a hold-up alarm and a police officer scurried in to check on things. Woke me right up, it did. The only things being held up were my eyelids. By toothpicks. Because I was sleeping, see?

Taking a dive

You know, I was totally planning to dive 25,000 feet into a tiny net this weekend, but some idea-stealer beat me to the punch last week. In response, I will next attempt to jump from the same height only I’ll land in your backyard pool. Please be sure to have burgers on the grill. And a backyard pool.

Stop and go

On Tuesday, I was running late for my piano lesson and the ride into Auburn turned into some Mad Max-style odyssey into hell. Everywhere I turned was another construction site, another flag guy, another detour. If I’m never able to pick up the complexities of Chopin, I’m blaming the Lisbon Street improvement project.

Is dental floss overrated?

This was an actual headline in the paper last week. It’s about time somebody started asking the hard questions. I wish some brave journalist would take on bar soap next. Bar soap thinks it’s so great.

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