Moolah

As I was leaving 8th District Court the other day, a clerk came running out of the courthouse to give back the debit card I had used to purchase an affidavit. Boy, I got lucky there. If she hadn’t been the honest sort, she could have kept my card and treated herself to all the extravagances that $37.45 can buy.

A dog’s life

At a recent medical checkup (I have those every 20 years whether I need them or not) my doctor told me I have the cholesterol of a dog. That’s apparently a good thing. It also explains why I tend to chew my itches instead of scratching them and why I’ll occasionally pee outdoors. You know, among other things.

No pets for you

I find it somewhat baffling that the woman accused of abandoning her dog earlier in the year was sentenced to a lifetime pet ban. It seems out of balance with the offense, for one, but how do you even enforce that? Is her home going to be swarmed by SWAT teams when she’s 80 years old and enjoying the company of a parakeet? What about sea monkeys, do those count as pets? How about a pet rock? Bed bugs? Chia? Fish for dinner? It smacks of pandering, like a sentence doled out to appease an angry public, and I can’t say I’m a fan.

It has begun

On Thursday, around 3 p.m., I rode through the parking lot at the Colisee in Lewiston and all was normal. An hour later I rode through and the lot was dotted by a couple dozen hunter-orange cones placed at irregular intervals. They kind of looked like suction cups, which leads me to believe that the long-awaited invasion of safety-minded extraterrestrials is underway. They want to enslave us, true. But they don’t want anybody to get injured tripping over their landing pods. I think that’s nice.

Help prevent Wigglytuft

I know I said I wasn’t going to write any more about Pokemon Go. But I have since learned that the game includes creatures with such elegant names as Stunky, Wartortle, Sandslash, Vulpix, Jigglypuff, Vileplume, Poliwag, Rapidash, Lickitung, Snorlax and Shuckle. Most of them sound absolutely filthy, and if you don’t think I’m going to be hard at work trying to craft them into everyday sentences, you’re a total Litwick.

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