Who ya gonna call?

Almost got beat up in the newsroom the other day after announcing to the other reporters that I was never a fan of the original “Ghostbusters.” I know that it’s “a classic,” whatever that means, but I never got the hype. Anyway, I averted that beatdown, but when I added that I didn’t care for “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” either, that’s when things really got ugly.

On come the bells

Got beat up by the night staff, too, because my phone’s current ring tone happens to be “Carol of the Bells,” which I didn’t realize was Christmas music, but the copy editors . . . Needless to say, once I get all these bandages off, I’m going to change that ring tone right away.

Teeny tiny

Reading a story about a tiny house in Pownal the other day, I THOUGHT I read that the town has requirements as to how small you can build a home. Ha ha! Can you imagine? Clearly I read that wrong. So I went back and read it again and, what do you know? Here’s a town official explaining that all houses built in Pownal have to be THIS big, with rooms no smaller than THIS many square feet, and additionally, you have to have this, that, these and those, and you’re not allowed to do this, have these, or get by without one of those.

In explaining why town government feels the need to impose so many restrictions on what one can do on his own property, one official said, “Everybody has to play by the rules.” Makes me want to build a 4-foot-by-4-foot house in Pownal, surround it with a mote, fill said mote with 100 starving alligators and invite town leaders over for dinner.

Don’t touch me there

Standing in line at the supermarket checkout the other day, I saw a tabloid headline that screamed “Bill Clinton Groped Me on Campaign Jet!” What part of the body is the “campaign jet?” Do I have one? Is it ticklish?

Emergency!

In Lewiston, a mom shut down her son’s internet access, leaving the poor child no choice but to call 911 and ask for help. I mean, can you imagine it? No internet? Send in a helicopter pronto! It’s all very amusing. I mean, when you’re 7 or 8 years old, it’s easy to overreact to punishment, am I right? Unfortunately, the kid in this story was 16.

Brad and Angelina

It’s so sad. If these two kids can’t make it, what hope do any of us have? I hope you are all holding up OK in these difficult times. If you ever want to talk, I’m always here. Of course, I probably won’t be much help to you. I thought Brad Pitt was married to that lady from “Friends” and that both of them were dead. I really need to re-up my subscription to Star Magazine.

Copy the Story Link