Newsroom of the living dead

At some point while I was off on vacation, somebody left a cool plant (it came from Party’n With Plants Maine) on my desk. In it, a ghost boy in a news kiosk is surrounded by newspapers held down by leering jack-o-lanterns. Hanging above ghost boy are several news pages, the headline of each being “BOO!” Around the side of the kiosk, what appears to be a vampire boy sits reading the news. On the roof, another ghosts holds a banner with “NEWS” written across the front, supervised by what appears to be either a raven or a black duck. Meanwhile, a skeleton rising out of the grass in front of the kiosk rests comfortably on one elbow and watches the action. It’s a thing of beauty and it predicted with supreme accuracy how the Sun Journal newsroom would look the morning after Election Day. I’m totally keeping the raven/duck thing.

I bop

Somewhere in the western part of the state – Bethel, maybe, or Stoneham – a fellow named Pew ran for office. I’m not sure what office, exactly, and I have no idea if he won or lost. I just know that while driving by all of his campaign signs, I had a great time making a little gun out of my fingers and going “Pew! Pew, pew!” I’m hoping that by the time I take another ride out that way, somebody named “Doink!” or possibly “Blip!” will be campaigning for something.

My John Hancock

I don’t know what this means, but at the polling place on Tuesday, not one but TWO people asked for my autograph. It’s very flattering. Of course, chances are good that I just got tricked into signing up for something heinous.

Get your deer yet?

I really don’t care. I just like saying that.

Try to set the night on fire

It seems like the day after the elections would be a great time to have a bonfire in the middle of each city and town across the state. Gather up all those annoying campaign signs, heap them in the town park and set ’em ablaze. Instead of political discourse, we could sing songs, roast weenies and tell ghost stories. Don’t burn the Pew signs, though. I want those.

What?

Also while I was away, four people left messages on my phone that I couldn’t completely understand. Was that a three-oh-six in your call-back number or a two-oh-three? I blame your mumbling. Or our phone system. Anything but the idea that my hearing might be going.

The biggest losers

My only comment on the political ugliness we just witnessed is this: Chris Hedges has a book out about his career as a New York Times war correspondent. It should be required reading for all of those within the mainstream media. Here, I’ll go first.

Good thing it wasn’t a bake sale

L-A Chamber President Matt Leonard appears to have lost his position due to a raffle. I don’t have a political opinion on this I guess – I like raffles, though I never win them. I’m simply going to miss Leonard because his beard is AWESOME!


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