Doo wop

So, Jon Bauman of Sha Na Na was in town this week. It’s probably for the best that I didn’t meet him – for reasons unknown, I’ve always confused Bowzer with Lenny (or possibly Squiggy) from “Laverne & Shirley.” Boy, that could have been awkward, huh? Bowzer shouldn’t take it personally, though. Turns out Lenny and Squiggy are pretty musical themselves. If you haven’t seen Lenny and the Squigtones do “Night after Night,” do yourself a favor and crack it open on YouTube immediately.

January continued

Seriously, will this wretched month never depart? Are we doomed to live the rest of our lives trapped in January, the pale and cold victims of some fiendish Sisyphean plot? I’ve done the math, yo. By my calculations, I figure the date at this point is January the 98th. In fact, I’m going to start signing my checks that way. Why not? They’re going to bounce, anyway.

Football

I know you were all looking forward to a Patriots-Cowboys Super Bowl, but that’s not how the Russians planned it.

‘Brochet’

The cool thing about learning to crochet (see story to your left, fool) will be the reaction I get when I whip my yarn and needles out at a monster truck rally, football game or gun show. I’ll be the envy of the whole stadium, I’m sure of it!

Never forget

We will always remember the “Storm of January 18” as the moment when we realized that we must come together as a people in order to withstand the power and indiscriminate cruelty of nature. At least that’s how it felt to me as I beheld the bigger-than-usual hordes of panicked people ripping into grocery store shelves last week in preparation for what turned out to the very definition of the term “dusting.” I mean, this was the kind of snow you could sneeze off your windshield if you were too lazy to get the ice scraper out. If I live to be 150 years old (and I will), I will never understand the phenomenon of pre-storm hysteria in Maine. I mean, why do these people need so much toilet paper, anyway?

Hail to the Chief

In Lewiston, Brian O’Malley was named chief of the police department. Congratulations. I’m totally not going to your inauguration. You are not my chief! Just kidding. I’ll be there. And I’m totally going to pay those parking tickets. I swear.

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