DEAR ABBY: I recently had sex. Afterward the man told me he had an STD. He then proceeded to explain why he told me after instead of being upfront with me. I’m paranoid about that kind of thing, and he knew it before we became intimate.

Now I’m worried I have it too, and I’m breaking up with him because of it. I feel he should’ve told me first and left the choice to me if I wanted to risk getting his STD or not. I’m angry and upset. I don’t know how to go about talking it out with him and maintain the friendship between his son and mine.

When is the right time to tell someone you’ve got an STD? And how can I maintain my kid’s friendship, because he doesn’t have many friends? — PARANOID IN ARIZONA

DEAR ”PARANOID”: You are not the least bit paranoid to be concerned that this man may have passed his STD along to you. What he did shows a distinct lack of character. I agree the choice of whether to pursue a sexual relationship should have been made after you were fully informed. If you haven’t told him that already, you should, because all of your feelings are justified.

If you feel you must continue to have him in your life so your son can have his son for a friend, I suppose you can do that. But do it on a strictly platonic basis.

Your next step should be to consult your doctor and get yourself tested so you can get on meds if you need them.


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DEAR ABBY: As an aging adult, I have encountered a situation for the first time that I’m sure will come up again. An acquaintance has just passed away. It was someone I didn’t know well. We would like to send a donation to honor the deceased. However, the only organization mentioned in the obituary is one we cannot support. Should we ignore our beliefs and honor the individual, or is there some other way to honor the person while maintaining (and funding) our ”side” of this issue? — FIRST-TIME DILEMMA

DEAR F.T.D.: You do not have to send a donation to the organization mentioned in the announcement. Another way to honor the deceased would be to write a short note to the family expressing how much you admired their loved one and offering condolences.

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DEAR ABBY: I know some of your readers have middle school, high school and/or college yearbooks — theirs or a relative’s — they no longer want to keep. Instead of throwing them away, I’d like to offer the following options: (1) If the school still exists, see if they want it; (2) ask if the school’s alumni association would like to have them; or (3) offer them to the local library for its local history section.

This will save space in the landfills and allow future generations to know what the school was like before they were born. — LARRY IN GRAND, TEXAS

DEAR LARRY: I’m not letting go of my yearbooks (memories, memories!), but those are good suggestions, and I’m sure some of my readers will appreciate them. Thanks for writing.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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