All’s well that ends well

9:15 p.m. Wednesday night, a woman reported she had received a notice from Publishers Clearing House that she’d hit the jackpot and she suspected it might be a scam. Police went over and looked into it. The Publishers Clearing House thing was bogus, but it turns out the woman was eligible for millions, anyway, because some prince in Nigeria needed help moving a big stack of moolah out of his country. Isn’t it nice when things work out?

Cruel tease

On a recent afternoon on which it was snowing, sleeting, raining and doing some other stuff so gross, it doesn’t even have have a name, I went to Shaw’s in Lewiston where I was greeted by a display of lawn chairs out by the doors. Lawn chairs! Too mean, Shaw’s. You could at least wait until good weather comes to stay in this area. By my estimates, that would be mid-August. Until then, just keep trotting out the ice scrapers and rock salt. You know we’re going to need them.

Little of this, little of that

You gotta love spring in these parts. On the same day, you can get hit by a snowball (you rotten kids!), stuck in the mud, wind burned, sun burned, frost bit and scared by a bee that turned out to be just a fat fly. Man, that was a crappy day.

Let me outta here!

Of course, I’m particularly sensitive to these radical shifts in the weather. This year, for my 10-year-old-but-still-quite-virile-for-his-age motorcycle, I bought a spanking new tank bag, a spanking new luggage rack, a top case for carrying all my junk on long hauls, and a spiffy new pair of riding pantaloons with knee protection and strategically placed mesh for ventilation. Plus some knobby tires that are on their way from Hong Kong, allegedly. Every day I don’t get to ride is like prison, but without all the fun of shiving and shanking.

‘Game of Thrones’ is back!

Man, I used to ridicule people who got all jump-up-and-down excited about television shows, and especially television shows that feature things like dragons, magic and something called “The Three-eyed Raven.” Ha ha! You big nerds! What can I say, though? It’s “Game of Thrones,” and when it came back on Sunday night, I was there, having canceled my regular Sunday Night Full-Contact Motocross Poker-slash-Tobacco -Spitting event. I ain’t no nerd, man! Just on Sunday nights for the next six weeks.

Meanwhile, in Plum Creek . . .

You think “Game of Thrones,” “The Walking Dead” or “Breaking Bad” are violent shows? Check out any random episode of “Little House on the Prairie” sometime. I stumbled onto a couple last week and holy moly, Pa! The body count was huge! In one episode alone, half the town was wiped out by plague due to some rat-infested cornmeal. A couple episodes earlier, Pa’s best pal got blown off the prairie completely in a dynamite explosion. That show is savage! Parental discretion is advised.

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