Andrea Bonior
Special to The Washington Post

Q. I’m experiencing the classic symptoms of burnout in my job, and I notice this in a lot of my jobs after a while. I start out loving them and then after a couple of years start feeling totally unmotivated. Eventually I get stressed to the point where I dread going into work in the morning and hate my co-workers. I don’t know why I do this. I try to practice self-care and all that jazz, but something isn’t working. For what it is worth, I am in a high-stress field, but plenty of other people don’t get burned out.

A: Well, sure. And plenty of people drink kombucha without a full-body revolt (though I can’t see how). But it is not about everybody else. You are an individual with your own interests, strengths and challenges. It could be that something in this field — or the stress of it — makes it hard for you to set limits. Or that the work environment itself in terms of people, hours or expectations is something that would wear down most people over time. But the fact that you love it at first before things go south suggests this could be fixable. You will need more insight (perhaps with help) into exactly what is happening — whether your self-care isn’t as sustaining as you think, the jobs aren’t as good a fit as you hope, or your personality is simply better suited to change every couple of years. (No crime there.)

Q. I am 28 and have had a close set of friends of several years. I have a new-to-the-area co-worker who is smart and funny, so I welcomed her into this group and everyone hit it off. But lately I have gotten a vibe from her that she wants to do things with my friends without me. Part of this is because they share an interest in a certain type of music that I am not into. Concerts without me are one thing, but now I feel like she is trying to poach my friends, as I wasn’t invited to a couple of casual hangouts. I feel hurt and confused but also sort of petty about this, but I also don’t want her taking my friends away.

A: I know this stings, but with a whole group to choose from, it might be time to start cultivating individual relationships rather than over-focusing on the in-versus-out mentality. They share taste in music; what activities of your own might you share with one or two of them? It could be that the casual hangouts were not meant to exclude you — perhaps there was a logistical or communication kink — or yes, it could be that there is more deliberate poaching going on. Either way, your best bet is to keep initiating social experiences you want to have, and keep nourishing the particular connections that you most enjoy. View it as a question of who best fits you — rather than whether you fit in.

Q. My brother has cut me and my family out of his life after a relatively small disagreement. He has always had anxiety and anger issues, but this multiyear estrangement is next-level. He didn’t acknowledge my son’s birth, tell me he got married or acknowledge the gifts we sent when he had a child. My parents think he has taken it too far but won’t tell him that out of fear of repercussions. I am starting to resent that, too. Do I just take this all on the chin and accept that my family is essentially split in two? When my parents show me pictures of his child it is breaking my heart and also making me very angry.

A: I am sorry. At some point, acceptance of this — and letting yourself grieve it —will help you regain control and protect yourself from false hope. For clarity, it could be worth one last reconciliation attempt. Not that you owe him that, but it would be your chance to let him know that you need to move forward. You could say that you still want your families to be in each other’s lives, it saddens you you are not, and you are willing to work with him to move forward together. But that this will likely be the last time you reach out for a long while because it hurts too much otherwise. If it is a final no, you will need to accept your parents’ choice as well — and give yourself permission to protect your feelings by focusing on your own family’s relationship with them, even if it means a however-long embargo on the painful topic of his family.

Andrea Bonior, a Washington, D.C.-area clinical psychologist, writes a weekly relationships advice column in The Washington Post’s Express daily tabloid and is author of “The Friendship Fix.”