Hooking me up with some fine CGC
Gosh, you people. All I did was complain that it was hard to find chocolate graham crackers in these weird, difficult times and you people came out of the woodwork like a merry band of Keebler elves. Some of you wrote to relate where I could find — either in obscure stores or on the black market — some perverted version of the chocolate graham cracker. Cumberland Farms sells them individually, apparently. Shaw’s has them, I was told, but only if you know the secret password. And I had no idea that there were outlaws out there with chocolate graham cracker labs set up in their basements. One of you even brought me two boxes of the things. I don’t know where you got them, lady, and I ain’t asking. What happens in the flour-based snack underworld stays in the flour-based snack underworld for good reason.

I can’t work like this
I gotta tell you. It’s been a struggle finding time to write these super-important, life-affirming “Talk of the Town” items this week. Every time I’d sit down in the spacious “Talk of the Town” studios to get it done, drama would unfold somewhere. First it was bam! Guy shot in the gut on Bartlett Street! And then bam! Rounds reported flying near Scribner Boulevard. And once that was under control, it was bam! Penobscot Theatre Company announces young playwrights festival! I know, right? That last one caused such an adrenaline spike, it nearly popped off the top of my head.

Wait’ll we get our Hanes on you
A couple alert and possibly drunk readers noticed that a woman seen at one Lewiston crime scene this week was out and about wearing men’s boxer brief underwear in place of pants or shorts. This may well turn into one of those new fashion trends seen in Lewiston exclusively. And if it does, I say bravo. I’d try sporting the new look, myself, but I don’t have the legs for it.

Man vs. brew
I have it on good authority that around 5 a.m. Thursday, a man got into a pretty raucous brawl with a can of beer on Pine Street in Lewiston. According to one witness account, the enraged fellow flung the beer into the street and then chased after it. He stood in the street screaming at the foaming remnants of the can a while before rearing back and giving it a mighty kick, at which point the beer clattered off and struck some poor fool’s car. There’s no word on what brand of beer it was. If it was a Corona, that would be mighty symbolic or something.

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