How does my garden grow?

Writing about local gardens all last week, I sure learned a lot about vegetables and flowers and possibly chickens. Mostly, though, the experience helped me to finally conquer a lifelong fear of string beans and for that I’m grateful. Maybe now the nightmares will stop.

Time flies. Or doesn’t. It’s all very scientific.

Aside from the fact that string beans are everywhere this time of year, this stretch of September is problematic for me in other ways. I mean, summer is over, bruh. You see those pumpkins everywhere? You see those flyers for apple picking, corn mazes and other ways of having fun with summer’s corpse? Yeah, man. It’s done. But the weather is still halfway decent so my problem is this. Should I be praying for time to pass more slowly so that I can play with that bluing corpse some more? Or should I pray for time to pass quickly, so that we can get beyond wretched winter and welcome in another spring? It’s no meaningless concern, either, since I believe I have developed the power to control time itself. Happened one day when I was trying to fix a broken watch.


There’s a guy on Farwell Street in Lewiston who already has his Halloween decorations up. They’re pretty good ones, too, but being that they’re two months ahead of the holiday, I fear I may have somehow warped time for that poor dude with my awesome, spacetime bending powers. Awwwwwkwaaard!

As foretold in prophecy

So, by now you’ve all heard that Halloween this year will be graced by a full moon. Surprised? Probably not. In 2020, the veil between reality and the misty regions of madness are very thin indeed, and a full moon on a holiday dedicated to the macabre seems just right. Don’t worry about it, though. I mean, Halloween is just days ahead of the presidential election, and I’m sure once we get THAT sorted, everything will be fine.


OK, you people are just trolling me now. Summer is over (see “summer is over, bruh” above for details) yet there STILL are no graham crackers to be found in the stores. No chocolate graham crackers, for which I will eventually need rehab, and no regular cinnamon ones, either. All that I can find are the despicable honey-flavored ones and no WAY I’m falling for that. I don’t get it. The theory is that graham crackers were in short supply because sooooo many people just haaaad to have s’mores over the summer that there was a run on them. But s’mores season is over (see “s’mores season is over, fool, give me back my graham crackers!” for details) so what gives?

String bean update

Nope. It’s not over. The string bean dreams are back. Back to therapy I go again.

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