A well rounded candidate
Was riding downtown the other day, through a field of campaign signs, when I spotted one such sign that was round instead of the uniform rectangular. How refreshing! Why, it looked like a lollipop sticking up from the ground, ready for licking. Tell me, why DO campaign signs have to be rectangle? It’s boring. For this reason, I’ve decided to throw my full support behind the candidate innovative enough to step outside the box and go with a different shape. Good luck, Eryn LeClair! We’re pulling for you.

I appreciate your support
If I were to ever run for political office, I think I’d make my campaign signs parallelograms just because they kind of look like drunk rectangles and it would make people think their eyes were going wonky. Of course, if I every decide to run for political office, we’ve got bigger problems. I’ve got ideas. BIG ideas.

You won’t be laughing when the probes come out
The other night I was standing in my backyard (don’t ask why I’m out there so much) when I spotted two green orbs floating menacingly in the night sky. Completely stationary, they were, and they just hovered like glowing eyes surveying the world below before calling forth others from the momship. I promptly reported my sighting on Facebook because by golly, I wanted to save as many people as possible from the mass probing to come. It was quite heroic, if you asked me. Unfortunately, my invading spacecraft turned out to be just some stupid kid’s drone and everybody on Facebook laughed at me. I tell you the next time I see an approaching E.T. with bad intentions I’m just going to keep it to myself. Taunt me all you want, mean people of Facebook. Next thing you know, you’ll be like that guy at the end of “Fire in the Sky” and we’ll see how hard your laughing then!

Pop some corn, mutha, and fire up Netflix
If you haven’t seen “Fire in the Sky,” please go watch it immediately so my joke will seem funnier.

Nightwing
I saw the bat boy again on Webster Street in Lewiston, buzzing by on his black scooter in his black cape and black helmet. He seems to be out there every time I venture outside now, so I fear the worst. I don’t have any garlic to ward off such a vampiric creature so what am I to do? This may be my last entry.

New details emerge on bat boy
I’m informed, by my current wife, that we do, in fact, have garlic. About a thousand pounds of it, in fact, growing in the garden. This changes everything. I shall get to work on constructing a garlic necklace at once and maybe I’ll eat a few bulbs of the stuff, too, just to be safe. Want to get together so I can talk about my plans?

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