He was never seen again
It’s that time of year where our only chance at survival is to warn each other about where the really bad potholes are. I succumbed to one so bad near Walmart the other day that I needed my hiking boots (Teva,) ice spikes (Aliglow,) hiking poles (Effekt) and day bag (Kelty) in order to get out of it. I apologize for the brand listings, but I’m really hoping for a corporate sponsorship the next time I have to climb out of one of these craters.

Mr. Drew and his Animals, Too
So, Drew Desjardins has a YouTube channel now. This is a guy who kept a dismembered dolphin in his backyard for the duration of one particularly hot summer just so he could get at the bones. You’re damn right I’m subscribing. Plus, if I tune in from a distance, Mr. Drew can’t invite me to let a scorpion crawl across my face again. Chickening out of that sort of thing is much easier in the privacy of one’s own home.

Red in the shed
And since you brought up the matter of outdoor survival, I took a map and compass course over my recent vacation and then spent the rest of the week getting familiar with the “red in the shed” concept. It’s really a great technique for simple navigation and getting back to the trail after you wander off to do weird stuff in the woods. Plus it sounds vaguely dirty, so that’s fun, too.

Chicken wars!
Just lately, I’ve been enjoying those little roaster chickens all the grocery stores seem to sell after hours. Just pop those bad boys in the microwave and you’ve got a full meal. Heck, you don’t even need a fork if you eat them the way I do. So with this new enthusiasm for accessible poultry in play, I’ve been comparing roaster chickens at all the various grocery stores to see how they stack up. This method is much cleaner and more scientific than my original plan, which was to have the chickens themselves duke it out in my driveway. Anyway, the best roaster chicken for your buck? It comes from Market Basket, which sells those little birds piping hot and for just $4.99. All the other stores charged nearly twice that and their chickens are much smaller. But since we don’t have a Market Basket in Lewiston or Auburn, you’ll have to drive to Topsham and then eat your chicken in your car. Trust me, it’s worth it.

What happens in El Paso . . .
Also over my vacation (I was on vacation, you know) I put my mind to memorizing all the words to this Marty Robbins classic. I’m just now at the part where the stupid cowboy killer is riding back to El Paso and exchanging lead with some cowboys. Don’t tell me how it ends! I haven’t listened to the song all the way to the end yet. I’m betting they get married and have lots of kids.