You’ve been to weddings where babies are in attendance and you’ve been to weddings where babies are not in attendance. There are pros and cons to each. When they’re happy, babies can make wonderful additions to a wedding; when they’re out of sorts, they can be terrors. You would like to think your baby would be bubbly, but you can’t know for sure. What is a new mom to do? Will you arrange for your baby to attend your wedding, or will you find someone to care for your baby at home while you say, “I do”?

Whether your baby attends your wedding depends first upon you. What is your preference? Is this your first baby? Would you be a complete and utter mess if your baby were not with you? Would you be wracked with worry? If so, you might want to arrange to have your baby somewhere onsite, perhaps not sitting next to you but with a babysitter in a room nearby. If you are bit more relaxed, you might want to consider leaving your baby with someone at home, especially if you think your baby might pose too much of a distraction. You’re going to be busy, and so are most of the people in the wedding party — why add to the activity with a baby in need of constant care?

Your decision also depends upon your baby. What would your baby prefer? Is your baby rather congenial? Does your baby like people? If so, your baby might be perfectly at ease at your wedding and not mind being passed around and held by a lot of different people. If, on the other hand, your baby is not comfortable around people and tends to cling to you, you might want to reconsider having your baby at your wedding. Do you really want to walk down the aisle and say, “I do,” with a baby on your hip?

You also need to consider the uncertainty factor. The best babies in the world have their moments. Your baby could be delightful right up until the exchange of vows and then let out a wail of terror and continue to fuss throughout the rest of the event. Babies are also prone to accidents, soiling their clothes and the clothes of anyone who might be holding them, including you in your expensive white bridal gown, your spouse in his tuxedo rental or an out-of-town guest with no ready access to a change of clothes.

Only you can determine whether to have your baby attend your wedding. Should you do so, be prepared. Understand that you and your groom will be busy and arrange for someone to care for the baby, preferably someone not directly involved in the wedding. Your mother might adore her new grandchild, but remember, she also adores you and would probably like to see you get married. Your teenage niece, on the other hand, might rather be off in another room caring for your new baby. That’s right. You’ll want to set up a place onsite for the babysitter to take your baby for feedings, naps, and play. Don’t expect your baby to fall asleep and stay asleep during the reception in a ballroom with a lot of high-stepping going on. Finally, make sure you have ample supplies for your baby. You’ll be far too busy to make a mad dash home for diapers or formula.

Choosing what to do with your baby during your wedding is a big decision. Think it through carefully, and should you decide it would be best to keep your baby at home, don’t get wrapped up in the guilt. Your baby won’t know the difference, and you can always arrange to take some wedding photos with them later or have the babysitter drop by with them at the reception.