By Hundreds of Heads

Raising a teen? Here is some advice on dealing with their appearance from the book “How to Survive Your Teenager” (Hundreds of Heads Books, www.hundredsofheads.com, $13.95), straight from people who’ve done it:

n “My child wants tattoos and several piercings. I told her to wait until she is 18 for the piercings and she can pay for them herself. I told her we would discuss the tattoo on her 16th birthday. Heck, I might even pay for it.”

– Rita Porter, Springfield, Mo., mother to a daughter, 14

n “I never really got the thing where parents get so upset about hair styles or colors. I mean, if you ever had a mullet you should just keep your mouth shut no matter what your kid’s hair looks like.”

– Kadesh Hardie, Frostburg, Md., parent to one son, 16

n “They’re going to do all kinds of crazy things to try to express themselves, or distinguish themselves as different. As long as they are not hurting themselves or others, I say let them do it, no matter how you may feel about pink hair. Soon they will have a strong sense of self, and they will know how unique they are. They won’t feel the need to prove it all the time.”

– Anne Smalley, Woodbury, N.J., mother to two daughters, 19 and 15

n “I took my son shopping for jeans one time and couldn’t figure out what he wanted. Everything I pointed out to him was wrong or “dorky.’ I realized you just have to give them the money to buy their clothes and then just deal with it.”

– J.R., Iowa City, Iowa, parent to one son, 15

n “When we feel our teen is rebelling against our parental authority in any form, we try to find the root cause of it. Rebellion is usually a symptom of something that’s awry. Sometimes it can be simply that the teen wants more freedom, or sometimes he is angry about something. Teens don’t always know what’s bothering them or causing them to act out the way they do. Helping them see this can bring them to a place where they see the problem and see there is hope to work through it. Once the root cause is identified, we try to help him with it. If he is trying to honestly work it out, there is usually no consequence. If he continues with the rebellion, then the consequence is related to the rebellion but usually involves restriction in his activities and privileges.”

– Cindy Prescher, Redmond, Ore., mother to four sons, 25, 22, 19 and 15

n “When my daughter first bleached out her beautiful hair to dye it hot pink, I was horrified but I didn’t show it, and I’m glad. It was shocking, but it wasn’t harmful, and it wasn’t dangerous behavior. The way I look at it, at least she didn’t have her private parts pierced.”

– Naomi Nemtzow, New York City, mother to three daughters, 22, 16 and 16