BECAUSE A MIND IS A TERRIBLE THING TO WASTE

Miami Dolphins coach Cam Cameron says that QB Trent Green was smiling and laughing while strapped to a backboard after being knocked unconscious on the field for the second time in 13 months. Yeah, and my grandfather used to laugh and smile after he cracked the same joke for the eighth time in a single day. Head injuries aren’t funny, Trent. They equal you needing around-the-clock care just to get in and out of bed by the time you’re 60. Retire, already.

GENETIC PREDISPOSITION

USC quarterback John David Booty played the second half of Saturday’s loss to Stanford with a broken middle finger on his throwing hand. That excuse is the only reason Booty hasn’t yet officially overtaken his big brother, baseball bonus baby and .200-hitting Portland Sea Dogs third baseman Josh, as his family’s biggest underachiever.

THE KIND OF FIGHTING THAT PROVES YOU’RE A STUD

Toronto Maple Leafs forward Jason Blake doesn’t expect to miss any playing time while taking a daily pill to confront what is described as a highly treatable and slow-growing form of leukemia. It’s easy to be critical of certain elements of professional hockey and the NHL’s agonizing inability to promote itself, but there are some tough sons of you-know-who playing that game. Good luck and God bless, Jason.

CARDINAL RULEBREAKER

Football is all the rage in Palo Alto this week, but life isn’t as good at Stanford for the basketball team. Seven-foot sophomore Brook Lopez will miss at least the first semester due to academic ineligibility. Poor kid probably only pulled in a 3.25.

WINTER RULES

Justin Leonard beat Jesper Parnevik in a playoff Sunday to win the Texas Open. Now, wait a minute. Didn’t the PGA make great shakes about its shorter season and the FedEx Cup and all that happy horse hooey? This must be some sort of post-season charity tour to make sure some of these poor guys can still afford their heating bill.

YOU MEAN THERE’S A MAJOR LEAGUE TEAM IN DENVER?

Arizona and Colorado are getting ready for a National League Championship Series that has the anonymity of a Stanley Cup semifinal written all over it. Think FOX is giddy with delight that TBS gets to show the senior circuit this year? It’ll save them from having to explain infomercial-type ratings to its advertisers.

LOCKING UP MR. LOCKDOWN

The San Antonio Spurs have inked defensive clinician Bruce Bowen to a contract extension through 2010. Man, it’s too bad the Celtics couldn’t get players like Bowen, Chauncey Billups and Joe Johnson.