Hey, Bode, shut up and ski.

Celebrity self-importance has been supplanted in some corners by celebrity self-righteousness. The world of the wealthy and winsome once was explained away with simple juxtaposition: All actors wanted to be singers; all musicians wanted to be actors; and all athletes were willing to shred knee ligaments by jumping to try both.

You can add another death-and-taxes certainty to that list. Thanks in large part to the touchy, feely era in which they’ve grown up, every public figure 30-and-under is convinced that he or she must take a stand for something bigger than their vocation.

Actually, it’s obvious that a few of them kowtow to peer pressure and half-heartedly embrace causes they don’t give a flip about. If nothing else, it gets their name in the paper on a slow day. Armed with that understanding of how the machine works, I really, really, really want to forgive and overlook Bode Miller’s recent blathering about doping and drug testing through the bought-and-paid-for international ski media.

The scary part is, though, I know Miller is serious. And seriously wrong.

Miller, the 28-year-old New Hampshire native and graduate of Carrabassett Valley Academy, has made it ski-wax clear that he can live without his sport and all the hassles affiliated with it.

He is the first American man to win the World Cup overall title in 22 years. He was a double gold medalist at last year’s alpine World Championships. He could drop his boots at lost-and-found, remove the racks from the roof of his 4-wheel-drive and join an athlete who took a stand for legitimate causes, NFL legend Jim Brown, in retiring at the pinnacle of his career.

Why, it was only last summer that Miller claims he contemplated retirement, indicating (and I’m not paraphrasing much) that he didn’t need the media scrutiny or the hollow thrill of winning another gold medal at a jingoistic competition such as the Olympic Games.

I’m sure those nice numerals on his latest check from Nike helped persuade him to take one in the chops for Old Glory, once again begging me to ask why rich people wax poetic about inequities in the world when they have the wherewithal to solve most of them.

Of course, Miller’s decision to cash in that ticket to Italy and pad his resume as one of the greatest U.S. skiers in history is overshadowed by his campaign for future Surgeon General. In October, Miller spoke out against the International Ski Federation and other sporting tribunals that continue to fight performance-enhancing drugs.

His most compelling case, which is a little like selecting Martha Stewart’s most endearing personality trait, was that some over-the-counter substances that are available to you and me but taboo for Miller might actually help enhance a skier’s concentration at the end of an intense run.

Yes, and whatever was in those Vitamin B-12 injections presumably helped enhance Rafael Palmeiro’s vision and bat speed at the end of an intense career. So ski more carefully, find legal ways to utilize that oxygen and compete under the same rules that everyone else under the auspices of FIS has tolerated for the last umpteen years.

For a guy who’s suspicious of the media, Miller surely behaves as if he never met a microphone he didn’t like. In the six weeks since his comments, Miller reports he has been approached for three “random” drug tests, one of which he said he missed because he was not home when the agent showed up. He believes anti-doping organizations are making an example of him because of his liberal stance on banned substances.

Of course they are. Anyone taking a stand for something that causes the establishment heartburn will experience persecution. It’s been true for thousands of years, about issues far more important than how to schuss and slalom.

If Miller is innocent, and I’m certain he is, he shouldn’t care if he starts seeing that dreaded jar in his sleep. And if he believes in the cause vehemently enough, he should keep spouting off. Problem is, the embarrassment he creates when he opens his mouth is greater than any violation he experiences when he’s asked to drop his pants.

Miller’s insistence on drumming across Europe about such a trifling issue creates the appearance of evil where there is none.

You’re one of the best skiers in the world, maybe ever, and you’ve accomplished it while staying clean as a whistle. Let that speak for itself, and let this childish crusade lie. Please.

Kalle Oakes is a staff writer. He can be reached by e-mail at [email protected].