SANDOWN, N.H. (AP) – Patrick Holland was 8 years old the night his father smashed a window in his Quincy, Mass., home with a golf bag, shot his mother eight times, then beat her in the face with the rifle.

Patrick has no memory of that night except a scary dream featuring action figures and “pop pop” noises.

But he remembers finding his mother’s body the next morning, running through shattered glass to call 911, finding the phone ripped out, and running outside in his underwear to tell a neighbor he couldn’t wake up his mother.

Right away, he says, he knew who did it. Three years ago, after extensive therapy for trauma, depression and anger, Patrick was ready to confront his father, now serving life in prison without parole for Liz Holland’s murder.

But at the last minute, Daniel Holland’s lawyer said she would have to be present at the interview to protect his rights as a parent.

That was the last straw for Patrick and his legal guardians, Ron and Rita Lazisky of Sandown, who also objected to Daniel Holland’s efforts to get Patrick’s school and counseling records. They sued to terminate Holland’s parental rights.

“He’s not my father. Ron is my dad,” Patrick, now 14, said in a recent interview. “If he wanted to have a relationship with me, he should have thought of that before he killed her.”

After nearly two years of delays in a case with few – if any -legal precedents, Patrick will get his trial starting July 26 in Norfolk (Mass.) County Probate Court.

Afterward, he hopes he can tell Holland face to face how he damaged his life on Oct. 13, 1998, and ask him why he did it.

“He took away a home, a mother, a father, all my friends. Everything I had was gone because of him,” Patrick said. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive him.”

Daniel Holland cannot make calls from the Souza-Baranowski Correctional Center in Shirley, Mass., and procedures for seeking an interview at the prison could not be completed before the trial. Holland’s lawyer, Patricia Gorman, did not return repeated messages seeking comment.

Courts hold “permanency hearings” every day to terminate parental rights so children in foster care can be freed for adoption. Patrick’s case is unique, however, because he has a permanent home with the Laziskys.

The Laziskys cannot try to adopt him until 2005 under a custody settlement with his paternal grandparents. Because there was no adoption, Holland’s parental rights were never terminated, Ron Lazisky said.

Who makes decisions about Patrick’s life and confidential information is important, said Howard Davidson, director of the American Bar Association’s Center on Children and the Law.

“It’s really a control issue,” Davidson said. “It’s really important for kids who have had a parent die as a result of domestic violence, because domestic violence is a control issue. Domestic violence is about power and control.”

His father’s attempts to stay involved in his life have angered and upset Patrick. Probate Judge Robert Langlois recently gave Holland permission to see Patrick’s file with the Massachusetts Department of Social Services.

Massachusetts is not among the five states that make domestic murder grounds for terminating parental rights, according to the Family Violence Department of the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges.

Still, Massachusetts law says Langlois must consider Patrick’s best interests and whether Daniel Holland can fulfill his parental responsibilities in the foreseeable future.

“He’s never getting out, so he can never be a parent to Patrick,” Ron Lazisky said.

Holland repeatedly beat and threatened his wife in front of their son; he once locked Patrick in a closet for hours, documenting the episode on videotape; and he put his son’s life at risk the night he killed his estranged wife, Lazisky said.

“Any one of those bullets could have gone through the wall and hit Patrick while he was sleeping,” Lazisky said. “He left Patrick alone in the house with his dead mother … and he knew his son would discover his mother’s body. That’s emotional abuse of the worst kind.”

At first, Lazisky thought terminating Holland’s parental rights would be a “no-brainer.”

Instead, the case has dragged on for nearly two years over questions including which state has jurisdiction and who has standing to sue. Lawyers could find no legal precedents, Lazisky said.

Family law and violence experts say there are good reasons for courts to be cautious about making new case law in this area.

“There are lots of incarcerated parents in the United States, and it would be inappropriate to terminate parental rights for most of them,” Davidson said. “Typically, parents are in prison for something other than abuse against the child.”

Even when one parent has killed the other, the children may “feel a strong allegiance to the parent who’s left,” said sociology professor David Finkelhor, director of the Crimes Against Children Research Center at the University of New Hampshire. “The parent is their life support system, so they take the opposite point of view.”

Patrick has no allegiance to his father. He simply wants a confrontation, with his therapist at his side and no lawyers present, in hopes of some emotional resolution.

“It’s like the cliffhanger,” he said. “You want to know what’s going to happen next.”

Even if he wins, other battles remain.

Patrick’s maternal grandfather, Robert McCrocklin, had his daughter’s body cremated and keeps the ashes in his Fairfax, Va., home, Lazisky said. He refuses to give Patrick a portion of the ashes to bury or to bury them himself, so Patrick has no grave to visit.

McCrocklin, executor of Liz Holland’s estate, also has not turned over the money due to Patrick from the sale of his parents’ home and Patrick has never received a final accounting of his mother’s estate, Lazisky said.

McCrocklin, who once sought custody of Patrick, did not return phone calls seeking comment.

And Patrick has been unable to retrieve any of his mother’s possessions, except for some photos sent to him by relatives, including Daniel Holland.

Any jewelry Liz Holland might have been wearing when she died would still be held as evidence, because Holland is appealing his murder conviction. And Lazisky believes some of Daniel Holland’s family members, as well as McCrocklin, are keeping her other belongings.

“There is no closure,” Lazisky said. “Every time he tries to do something, something happens to block it.”

Patrick is trying to stay positive. He just finished planting a memorial garden for his mother at St. Matthews United Methodist Church in Sandown. And he has established a Web site for children and victims of domestic violence in her memory.

“She was just always smiling,” he said of his mom. “Despite everything that happened, she was always in a good mood. I just miss her a lot.”

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On the Net: www.lizhollandmemorial.com

AP-ES-07-10-04 1340EDT