LEWISTON – When you’re a kid, Rock Paper Scissors wins you many cool things. The front seat. First choice of kickball players. The last piece of cake.

When you’re a grownup, Rock Paper Scissors wins you a free trip to Las Vegas.

Really.

Just ask 47-year-old Joe Masselli – a new Maine state Rock Paper Scissors champ.

“I kept winning and winning. Finally, I was the last winner,” he said. “I thought it was a joke. It’s not a joke.”

The national championship – yes, there’s a national championship – will be held this weekend and broadcast on ESPN this summer. The winner will get a $50,000 grand prize. The runner up, $5,000.

More than 300 people will compete. Some serious contenders have been training for years.

It’s all a little bewildering for Masselli, a Lewiston husband and father of one, who only vaguely remembers the Rock Paper Scissors games of his youth. On the sly, a ski buddy signed him up for the first competition at Auburn’s Lost Valley Ski Area in February.

“It was kind of a joke that was played on me,” he said. “I got lucky.”

More than 30 people competed at Lost Valley. Masselli beat them all, winning the best two out of three each time.

The next leg of the competition was held a few weeks later at Gipper’s Sports Grill in Auburn. He beat the 20 to 30 people there, as well.

And then, between periods of a Maineiacs game a few weeks later, Masselli faced his final competition. On the ice, with the crowd looking on, he beat a single competitor, another adult male.

Considering the heat of battle, the details of the win are a little hazy for Masselli.

“I think I threw a paper, and he threw a rock and I covered him,” he said. “Or maybe I threw rock.”

Either way, the trip to Las Vegas was his.

Sponsored by Bud Light and run by the USA Rock Paper Scissors League, the national tournament will be held May 12 and 13. Because every Bud Light wholesaler can send a Rock Paper Scissors champ to the nationals, some states will be represented by several people. Masselli, a truck driver, is one of three from Maine. The others are from Waterville and Cape Elizabeth.

The competition will likely be fierce. Some contenders appear in costume to intimidate their opponents. Others rely on strategy to turn the game of chance into, well, less of a chance.

Masselli’s wife, Annette, has checked it all out online. She ordered her husband a Rock Paper Scissors guidebook in case he wanted to prep for the tournament.

He won’t touch it.

“He’s afraid he’ll lose what he’s got going for him,” she said.

And what’s that?

“Luck,” Masselli said.

Through three rounds of play, Masselli hasn’t had a plan, a strategy or a scheme to win. The closest he came was the silent chant – “One, two, three, lose!” – he did during the Lost Valley competition. It was late, and he wanted to go home to bed.

The chant didn’t work the way he’d planned.

“I’d win,” he said.

Since he was named a state champ, Masselli has gotten some attention. Auburn-based Uncle Andy’s Digest featured his photo. Maineiacs fans stop him in the street to tell him they saw the Colisee bout and wish him luck at nationals.

Some friends and neighbors, though, can’t quite believe he won two airline tickets and a three-night stay at the Mandalay Bay Hotel playing Rock Paper Scissors.

“It’s nuts. It’s crazy. You tell people, and they look at you like ‘What?'” his wife said.

Masselli and Annette leave for Las Vegas on Thursday. It’ll be their first vacation since their daughter was born five years ago.

If he gets knocked out early, Masselli and his wife will tour the city. If he hangs on, they might get enough money to finish remodeling their house.

Either way, they figure, it’s a winning situation.

“I’ll just play the game,” he said.

BREAKOUTS>>>>>>

Huh?

About: Rock Paper Scissors is played between two people using hand gestures. There are three allowable throws – rock (closed fist), paper (hand flat) and scissors (two fingers pointing out, like blades). Rock crushes scissors; scissors cut paper; paper covers rock.

FMI: The USA Rock Paper Scissors League has a Web site at www.usarps.com. Here, visitors can find RPS history, video clips of the last national tournament and rules of the game – all tongue-in-cheek: “Paper is formed by extending all your fingers out, as if you’re about to slap your little brother. It is always delivered horizontally. Never vertically. Vertical paper is for hoodlums and misfits, and we don’t stand for it.”

If you get good: USARPS is working on a Rock Paper Scissors Olympics for 2008. It’s uncertain whether the 2007 national champion will be automatically invited to compete.

The agenda:
Joe and Annette Masselli’s national tournament agenda
(As supplied by the Massellis)

Friday, May 11

Greeted by Bud Light reps at the airport, who will escort them to the hotel where they will again be greeted by Bud Light reps.

8 a.m.-10 p.m. Check in and receive a welcome packet, which will include credentials

6:15 p.m.-10:30 p.m. Bud Light Welcome Reception at House of Blues

Bud Light will be hosting a welcome reception including dinner and, of course, ice cold Bud Light. Entertainment by the band Seether.

Saturday, May 12

8-11 a.m. Bud Light Rock Paper Scissors registration

Noon-1:30 p.m. Islander Ballroom pre-tournament lunch

1:30-2 p.m. Review of tournament rules

2-6 p.m. Bud Light Rock Paper Scissors Championship begins

By the end of the first day of competition the field will be down to the final 16. This will be filmed by ESPN. They highly encourage costumes so that you stand out from the crowd and perhaps intimidate your opponent. They will also be giving away a cash prize to the player who has the best “Rock Paper Scissors” costume.

Evening: On your own

Sunday, May 13

5 p.m. Island Ballroom. Doors open and contestants and guests are treated to heavy hors d’oeuvres and ice cold Bud Light.

6-8 p.m. Bud Light Rock Paper Scissors Championship Finals.

8:15 p.m.-12 a.m. Bud Light MAXIM After-Party

Monday, May 14th

Back to reality