TURNER – Josh Hutchinson used twigs to set off the mouse traps his parents set up in the basement. He pulled down the sticky strips they bought to catch flies in the kitchen. The thought of anything – even household pests – being in pain was too much for the young boy. He would do anything to prevent it.
When he overheard a customer in line at Wal-Mart being mean to the cashier, he whispered to his mother, “Mom, say something nice to her when it’s our turn to pay.”
When his older brother lost his sunglasses during a family trip to Disney World, Josh was so distraught he threw up. His parents, Nancy and Dale, hoped that Josh – the youngest of their seven children – was simply too sensitive.
But, given the history of anxiety and depression in their families, they decided to take him to the doctor when he was 8.
Josh was diagnosed with chronic depression.
A small thing’
A decade later, the 18-year-old and his parents believe officials at Leavitt Area High School refused to let him graduate with his classmates because they never took the time to understand his complicated illness.
They simply labeled him lazy, his parents said.
“I know the school has rules, regulations, policies and procedures,” his father said. “It just seemed like such a small thing to let him march – a small thing for them but such a big deal to him.”
Josh’s depression caused him to fall behind his senior year, so far behind that he wouldn’t have graduated without drastic measures.
In an effort to keep him at Leavitt, his parents asked school officials at the end of April to consider an independent study program. That was denied, they said.
The only other option was River Valley, an alternative high school in Turner where Josh could work toward his diploma at his own pace with more one-on-one attention from teachers.
Leavitt Principal Patrick Hartnett told Josh at the time that he wouldn’t be able to graduate with his classmates once he switched to River Valley.
After 11 years in Turner schools, the kid voted “Most Involved” and “Most Spirited” by his classmates didn’t understand why he couldn’t at least march in the ceremony and pick up an empty diploma case.
Leavitt officials have declined to discuss their graduation policies or Josh’s situation. They would only say that he was no longer a student at Leavitt Area High School.
Under the covers
Josh spent last Friday, the night of Leavitt Area High School’s graduation, at home watching scary movies.
“I can’t even tell you how depressing it was,” he said.
A thin boy with an athletic build, most comfortable in button-down shirts and baseball caps, Josh has spent the past 10 years trying to manage his depression with different medications.
With the right medication and the right dose, he made the honor roll.
But, as he grew and his body changed, it was common for one medication to stop working. He’d have to go off it and try another.
The transitions often meant more sick days, more missed homework.
“One part of me would be like, You have to do your work,'” he said. “Then there was another part that was like, Do this instead.'”
His parents often came home to find him buried under the covers with blankets draped over the windows in his bedroom. He complained of stomachaches, headaches.
His real problem: If Josh couldn’t do something perfectly, he couldn’t do it at all.
In junior high, he spent days working on a history project. He took so long obsessing about the details – staining every piece of paper with tea, then burning the edges to make them old – that he didn’t finish on time.
Getting good grades wasn’t Josh’s motivation. It was more personal.
“I’d just be thinking, My teacher is going to think this is amazing. She’ll be so proud of me. She’ll really, really like me,'” he said.
Knowing that he had disappointed his teachers or his parents sent him in a downward spiral.
Some days, he forced himself to go to school only to be in the bathroom by the middle of the day. He ran hot water until the steam warmed his face, then went straight to the nurse’s office.
Other days, he picked up his friends for school, dropped them off, then returned home after his parents were gone.
“Even as his parents, we’d get so frustrated,” his father said. “Then we’d have to remember that it wasn’t Josh deliberately doing something. He was sick and it was probably time to adjust his medication.”
Hopes up’
A change in his meds midway through his senior year set off his toughest spell yet.
The new medication caused Josh to have insomnia, and he decided not to try another one. He was tired of taking a pill every morning.
“That’s when he really started to slip,” his mom said.
The more behind he got in his work, the harder it was for him to go to school and face his teachers.
He eventually ran out of time. He transferred to River Valley in May.
Weeks later, he got a packet in the mail from Leavitt with information about graduation practice and the senior picnic.
“I thought they changed their minds,” he said. “I definitely got my hopes up.”
His mother e-mailed Hartnett and was quickly informed it was a mistake.
At first, Josh refused to talk to his mother when she went to his room to explain that his name was never removed from the school’s mailing list. He told her to get out, to leave him alone.
As she walked away crying, he told her that he wanted to die.
“I just broke down,” Josh said. “I let everything out.”
He told his mom that he was tired of being so sad, sick of the ups and downs, exhausted from always pretending to be happy. He was ready to do anything to feel better.
Josh started a new medication the next day.
Last night, a week after Leavitt’s graduation, Josh put on a cap and gown and marched with his new classmates at River Valley. During his eight weeks at the school, he earned more than the required number of credits for a diploma.
His plan for the future: Take courses at Central Maine Community College, transfer to the University of Vermont, then get into medical school – just in time for his 5-year reunion at Leavitt.
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