Craigslist drops adult services listings

And I suddenly have Saturday nights free.

You better believe this will have an impact locally. You can’t call and order a date like it’s a pizza anymore. You’ll have to go out and pound the pavement, like our forebears did way back in 1999.

Mask

Has anybody else seen a young man walking around Lewiston and Auburn with his entire face and head concealed by bandanas? Dude looks like a stickup man from the old westerns making an extremely slow getaway. Yet, I get the feeling that he’s not a crook, given that he doesn’t so much as jaywalk on his daily strolls. He just trips over curbs and runs into poles now and then. But hey, who doesn’t?

Say cheese and put your clothes back on

A wildlife camera was stolen last week from the woods along the Androscoggin River in Lewiston. The camera had been set up by police types as a means of investigating a recent spate of crime in that area. I found this shocking, not because of the temerity required to steal a piece of police equipment, but because I had no idea there was a camera out there in the woods I spend so much time in. I would like to apologize in advance to my friends and family. Unless the camera and its footage are never found. In which case, forget I said anything.

Smashing success

The city of Lewiston is holding an auction and selling such things as a sidewalk plow, asphalt and some traffic lights. I’ll tell you what, auctioneers. If you put up the traffic light from Russell and East, I’ll pay top dollar for it. I’ll sell a kidney to raise the funds to purchase that evil thing so I can beat the hell out of it with a shovel, set it on fire and then throw it over a cliff. In case you haven’t heard me before, the traffic light at Russell and East must die.

It’s what’s for dinner

In Lewiston, a couple guys were reported going door-to-door and selling steaks. Mmm-mm. Makes your mouth water just thinking about it, doesn’t it?

In an unrelated matter, have you seen your dog lately?

Dance on fire

A Florida pastor wanted to strike a match to the Quran when he clearly should be spending his time taking care of whatever form of mold has grown on the sides of his face. Isn’t it a marvel how, whenever a person runs out of real ideas to support his beliefs, he will resort to burning things? Evolve already.

Whitman Spring Road

I wasn’t clear on where it is, so I looked it up on Google Earth. My advice? Don’t zoom in too close.