Does it bug you when I do this? Did I read somewhere that a man unleashed an army of bed bugs on a government office in Augusta? That’s way more radical than paying your taxes with pennies. I’m curious as to how he rounded them up and how he called them off once the attack […]

There was nothing much unfamiliar about the man with the sign at the corner of Lisbon and Main streets. It’s where the downtrodden go these days in hopes of collecting donations from a generous public. Seeing the man with his sad little sign, a sympathetic woman slowed to a stop with the intention of handing […]

Someday the world is going to end and I, the Hestonesque hero left to report the tragic news, will totally choke on it. It’s not that I don’t have the skills or fortitude to write about the end of the world, mind you: “The world ended on Friday, officials said. It reportedly went with a […]

Head games The biggest news story of the week carried headlines featuring some variation of the term “severed head.” You’d think any story with “severed head” in the headline is going to be fun, but not. Just more nonsense that was tiresome five minutes after the story broke. It’s a sad, sad day when severed […]

Click it or ticket Ah, yes. It’s that time of year when police are zealously pulling you over to provide a lecture on how you’re not handling your own personal safety right. And probably a bonus fine to go with the lecture. No matter how often they do this kind of thing, I still can’t […]

You can now have a pet hedgehog in Maine; no permit needed A headline in last Friday’s SJ. Excellent news. I’m tired of sneaking around with my hedgehog. Getting high A photo in the Sunday paper of three men standing at the top of the Basilica spire in Lewiston made me feel dizzy. Whenever I […]

Me and my recliner are pals We go waaay back together. (Stole that from a guy on Facebook. Regret nothing.) Construction Are you like me? Do you keep running into construction zones every time you try to zip across town? There are so many flag guys out there with so many instructions, it’s like an […]

The woman was as friendly as can be until recognition dawned. “Wait,” she said after five minutes of talking. “Is your name Mark?” I resisted the temptation to lie and admitted my identity. Her eyes darkened. Her body tensed. The face twisted into a scowl. This is The Person Who Remembers, and if you’ve been […]

My new jacket And speaking of high fashion, I’ve been scouring the earth in search of the perfect spring coat. It’s no easy feat because I spend the autumn and winter wearing a Carhartt jacket, a beautiful piece of outerwear I love so much, I will one day be buried in it. Finding an equivalent […]