Your head feels as though some cruel sadist has stuffed a hose in each of your ears and pumped it full of pea soup.
Street talk
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: Caught on camera: Things and stuff!
I was pretty excited the day I got a camera for my car dashboard. “This is going to be great,” I told whomever was sitting in my passenger seat that day. “Street brawls, explosions, naked people doing weird stuff, probably a UFO sighting or two and the Turner Yeti is bound to make an appearance. … […]
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Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Bigfoot, Sizzler and the unfortunate gnu incident
I wish I could just come out and report it: Bigfoot has been spotted running amok and terrorizing town folk in the wilds of Turner. Or possibly Greene. We’re talking about the legendary, hirsute biped out there uprooting trees, slaughtering livestock and eating slow-moving hikers like they were pork rinds. Or possibly Funyuns. I’d like […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: The belt, the boot and a dog with no name
In the video, the dog’s eyes gleam in wide-eyed fright as the belt comes down over and over. It is a short clip and not easy to follow. The camera pans from the apparent whipping to piles of poop in and around a Timberland work boot. In the background, a young woman can be heard […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: Don't they know they have the right to stay silent
We were all pretty enthralled to read about the Buckfield gangsta who led cops on a chase through two counties before trying to dash off running back-style with nearly two kilos of blow. Of course, he’s innocent until proven guilty. But if the information from police and in court affidavits paint the full picture, the […]
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Mark LaFlamme: Knuckleheads and knuckle sandwiches
Back in the day, as a rule I’d go to every downtown fight I heard about over the police scanner. It’s not that I’m a fan of random violence, mind you. No need to write that angry letter to the editor. I tend to prefer fisticuffs in the boxing ring, on the hockey rink or […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: It was the night before Christmas and I got nothing
So, I was desperate for column ideas on a Monday afternoon that also happened to be Christmas Eve. No brainer, right? I’d just head to the stores, behold the eye-bulging madness of last-minute shopping and let that column write itself. Maybe it would be a hair-pulling, eye-gouging brawl in the toy aisle over the last […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: Can we get on with it, already?
“The sun is the same in a relative way but you’re older; shorter of breath and one day closer to death.” Pink Floyd A very wise teacher back in high school once advised me to never wish away time. I found it to be very profound advice, indeed, and I fully intended to plan my […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: Gangland shootings and cute dogs in hats
It had been a rowdy morning on Bartlett Street. Right around the time most people are sleepily fetching newspapers from front porches, bullets were flying between two groups of rival drug dealers. Apartment houses were dotted with bullet holes. Tenants dove for cover under kitchen tables and on the street outside, a trail of blood […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: All of summer in one weekend
If I was a more enterprising lad, I’d create a service in which people could fulfill all of their summertime desires over one glorious — and probably sleepless — Labor Day weekend. You know how it is, my bros. Labor Day comes around and you’re just moping all through the family barbecue because you realize you […]