It’s a fight! No, wait. It’s just a playful tussle among friends. Hold on! It is a fight! And maybe a robbery! Or are these guys just fooling around?
It’s not always easy to tell what’s what when the air gets hot and steamy. A string of sweltering nights, and things get nutty. Couples tired of hanging out in their torrid apartments hit the streets to let loose. Folks develop a mighty thirst and then spend too much time in the hot sun. Good sense seems to evaporate. Some people develop an aversion to shirts. They run around bare and boisterous.

I’m not one to insist that weather has a direct impact on crime. But there’s no getting around the fact that sultry nights have an impact on the way people conduct themselves in public.

The jackpot.

The downtown fight came across the scanner at first as a group of drunk men beating up on another drunk guy. Then the caller changed her mind, insisting it was just a bunch of carousers goofing off.

She changed her mind again. This time she told cops the downtown version of male bonding was getting out of hand. Someone was getting hurt.

Cops went over. They found a group of sweaty, grass-stained dudes huffing and panting alcohol fumes into the night. One of them was a little worse for wear and he’d had some property lifted off him.

Call it a scrap among drinking buddies or call it a robbery. The cops went with robbery and charged one of the revelers with a crime that could garner him 40 years in the hoosegow.

There were a few scanner calls about mysterious people lying down in strange places, too. Not that there’s a law on the books about lying prone. But when someone curls up in the fetal position in a grassy spot outside a city building, people notice. Move it along, sir or madam. Go find a hammock somewhere.

There was a guy on Park Street who tried to meander his way home after an afternoon of drinking. To his credit, the fellow chose to ride a bicycle rather than get behind a wheel. But the air was as hot as the beer was cold. It dulled his motor skills and coordination. Each time he tried to mount his bike, he’d miss the pedals and take a header onto the pavement. Ugly stuff.

A few bystanders tried to help the man, but he’d only snarl, growl and offer them a specific hand gesture. Good thing he didn’t rob a bank – I don’t think he made it three feet during this attempted getaway.

I haven’t heard of mass incidents of nakedness yet but you know it’s on the way. People will walk into the police lobby wearing only tube socks. A man or woman will decide to go for a walk to cool off and to hell with getting dressed for the trip. Clothes can be such a drag when it’s hot and sticky.

There was one night around mid-week when I couldn’t sit down for five minutes without being intrigued by a scanner call. Fights about nothing. Bizarre behavior on back lawns. Tempers flaring in a variety of ways.

I asked one cop how many of his recent calls were directly related to the heat. He gave me an irritated look and said, “Just about all of them.”

Good enough. That’s summer for ya. If it’s not news out there, it’s at least entertainment. Although, the heat has me dragging a bit, too. I’m feeling a little sluggish. Think I’ll sprawl out somewhere and get some snooze. Probably somewhere on Pine Street.
Mark LaFlamme is the Sun Journal crime reporter.