Tom Brady. Doug Flutie. Matt Cassel.

It’s simple, really. At the risk of telling three-time Super Bowl championship architect Bill Belichick what to do with his football team, those need to be the names on the New England Patriots depth chart at quarterback, and in that order.

As for Brady, I know, that’s a courageous observation that ought to peg the needle on the duh-meter. Barring a collapse of Mark Rypien-esque proportions or one of the stupidest front office moves in National Football League history, we should see Brady under center for the Patriots until my kid graduates from high school and accepts his full scholarship to Southern Cal.

If you think the remaining names on the list and their sequence are insignificant, well, I can tell you weren’t watching the Bears-Rams preseason game on Friday night.

For those who missed it, Chicago QB Rex Grossman can’t seem to escape the pinky finger of God. In only his second preseason start after missing most of his second NFL campaign with a blown-out knee, the former Florida flinger twisted his left leg in the middle of a Ram sandwich and snapped his ankle like a twig.

Bears fans can look forward to three months of Chad Hutchinson. Their frightened families are being counseled to bury all sharp objects in the backyard as we speak.

Grossman is merely the latest in a long line of signal callers to hear a snap, crackle or pop from the first contact after a lazy winter and sedentary spring.

In addition to being the two most over-rated quarterbacks in the galaxy, Chad Pennington and Michael Vick share the bond of catastrophic preseason injuries in summers past. And let’s not forget Rodney Harrison’s helmet-to-patella hit on Trent Green back in 1999, one that inflicted Mrs. Kurt Warner upon future talk radio listeners in St. Louis, New York and Phoenix.

Look, quarterbacks are the only people this side of White House press secretaries who have at least 11 slobbering, ravenous dogs ready to take a bite at their moment of greatest frailty. Quarterbacks, even future Hall of Famers lauded as the second coming of Joe Montana, get hurt, sometimes irreversibly.

When it happens, not if, the difference between sneaking into the playoffs and having Chris Berman say you’re on the draft clock is the poor sucker who’s asked to step in for that budding legend.

Among the three names jockeying for position behind Major Tom, the only one who isn’t a space cadet, a novice or a happy-footed buffoon is 61-year-old Doug Flutie.

OK, so I’m exaggerating. Doug is only 58, right? He’ll also be the most elusive, out-of-pocket weapon this side of Vick until he’s 60. He’s the best bet to avoid Jason Taylor or Dwight Freeney and find the open man nine yards downfield on third-and-8 from his own 12-yard line.

He’s New England born, New England bred, New England tough and a proven winner. He deserves the opportunity to walk away with at least as much NFL bling as Vladimir Putin. Hopefully he won’t be required to do anything to earn it other than wear a headset and carry a clipboard. In the event of an emergency, however, Flutie should be first in line if Mr. America cannot fulfill the terms of his reign.

I’m not one for reading between the lines of preseason performances, but Cassel showed enough Friday night in the 23-13 victory over Cincinnati to earn the league minimum for a year as Brady and Flutie’s understudy. The guy has a live arm, the ability to take a hit and seems comfortable in a professional offense.

Heck, he quarterbacked the scout team at USC for three years as caddy to two Heisman Trophy winners. He might have been the third-best Division I QB in the nation over the last four years, for all we know.

That’s more than Davey has ever proven. His start Friday was less inspiring than most of his mop-up performances the past two seasons, which was a tough task.

Davey’s most redeeming quality at LSU was his ability to deliver a great handoff. Has he progressed? Don’t know, but 4-for-7 with a pick, primarily on the shoulders of the Patriots’ starting offensive unit, didn’t show me much.

Ask yourself if you want to see Davey standing antlers-to-headlights against the Steelers, Chargers, Falcons, Broncos, Bills and Colts consecutively in midseason if Brady gets knocked out of commission.

I’d trust Flutie with the keys in that situation. I might trust Cassel in a year or two.

Unless the Patriots plan on keeping four quarterbacks (and thank goodness they took that approach in Brady’s rookie campaign), Davey ought to be the odd man out.

Oh, take heart, No. 6 fans. Rumor has it the Bears need a warm body.

Kalle Oakes is a staff writer. His can be reached by e-mail at [email protected].