Relationship mistakes can kill even the best of relationships. Here are four of the most common, and what to do instead.
Relationship mistake No. 1: Partner bashing
Bashing the one you are supposed to love seems to have become a national pastime. The reality is that partner bashing reflects poorly on you, because after all, you chose this person.
Relationship tip: Rebel against the culture and praise your spouse in public. When someone tries to pull you into the game, go the opposite way.
Relationship mistake No. 2: Be a Darren Stevens
Many people fall into the trap of holding their partner back from using their greatest gifts.
In the old TV sitcom “Bewitched,” Darren Stevens would try to keep Samantha from using her abilities.
Relationship tip: Celebrate and encourage the strengths of your partner. If you take the time to notice, the strengths of your partner usually have two very strong advantages: The strengths of your partner complement your strengths, and the strengths of your partner compensate for some of your weaknesses. When you combine the two sets of strengths, you are stronger together than you are alone.
Relationship mistake No. 3: Argue to win
Arguing to win means you see the other person as an opponent. And once you begin to see your partner as an opponent or an enemy, lots of bad things begin to happen.
Relationship tip: When you argue to win, you may get to win, but you win at the expense of the relationship. Instead of arguing against each other, team up to solve the problems that come your way. In my experience, when a couple teams up against a problem, that problem is in big trouble.
Relationship mistake No. 4: Getting complacent
Taking the relationship and the other person for granted is so easy to do. Sometimes we treat our most important love relationship like an item on a to-do list – “OK, got that done, cross it off.”
Do you know anyone who would enjoy being an item on a to-do list?
Relationship tip: Use creativity and passion and see what you can come up with for your relationship.
My challenge to you is to avoid four of the biggest relationship mistakes.
Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist. E-mail him at jeffherringmail.com or visit his Web site at jeffherring.com.
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