DEAR ABBY: I am a successful man with a great marriage, four terrific children – all grown with professional careers – and beautiful grandchildren. I am very close to all of them.

Before I married my wife – while still in college 30 years ago – I had a short affair with a young woman at school. I recently ran into her, and she informed me that I have another child – a grown daughter I’ll call “Eden.” It was the first I’d heard of it. She never contacted me. I saw Eden, and she is the spitting image of my mother. I spoke to her, but I was still in shock and didn’t know what to say. Her mother introduced me as “an old boyfriend.”

I have been in contact with the mother since then. Although she doesn’t want me to divulge “our secret,” she did ask if I would give Eden a large amount of money. Our daughter is beautiful, has a doctorate and is doing well in her field.

I’m very sad. I love my family and all of my children. Of course, I told them about this. They are eager to meet their half-sister and would love her as well. What would be best for all concerned here? – SAD DAD

DEAR SAD DAD: A secret is no longer a secret when more than two people know it – and right now the number is up to seven. If Eden is doing well, why does she need your money? Could it be her mother is after it? Who has Eden been led to believe was her father all of these years? She should be told the truth, if only so she will have an accurate family medical history.

As I see it, Eden is mature, educated, and can handle the truth. However, before writing any checks – large or small – I urge you to discuss this entire scenario with your lawyer.



DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a family funeral at which one of my relatives brought his dog. It wasn’t a service dog, Abby, just a regular house dog. It was everywhere the family was – the funeral home, the service, even at the church dinner.

This relative lives in the same town where the funeral was held, so it wasn’t an issue of leaving the dog at home for an extended period of time. I understand that some people treat their dogs like people, but I think taking a pet to a funeral pushes the limits. – DOGGONE UPSET IN KANSAS

DEAR UPSET: I agree. However, if the person who officiated at the funeral didn’t object to the potential disruption, then who am I to cast the first bone?



DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your column for many years, but I have never before been tempted to write to you until now. About a year ago we moved into a new home in a nice neighborhood. One of the last homes sold happens to be on our street.

Yesterday, a flier was stuck in our mailbox. I don’t know how many of them were distributed, but there are 200 homes in our subdivision. The flier announced an open house. It listed all the usual stuff – time and place – with the following statement: “If you would like to bless us with a gift, we would greatly appreciate a gift card from one of the following stores: Home Depot, Wal-Mart, Lowe’s, Best Buy, Sears or JCPenney.”

We were flabbergasted to get such an “invitation” from someone we don’t even know. What do you think about it, and how would you handle this? – FLABBERGASTED IN SEFFNER, FLA.

DEAR FLABBERGASTED: I think your new neighbors have elevated the “gimmes” to a whole new level. And I would treat it exactly the same way I’d treat any other unwelcome solicitation.



Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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