GREENE – Lew Alessio and Jim Shaffer communicated online before they met in person on Valentine’s Day weekend 2001.

A year before, Lew had lost his life partner, Peter, to cancer. Jim had yet to experience true love.

Lew lived in Greene, Jim in Boston. They agreed to meet at a Portland bar.

“Lew walked in and I held my breath,” Jim said. He recalled, “If this man could possibly be as beautiful on the inside as he is on the outside, I’ve hit the jackpot.”

Not long into their first conversation, they connected.

“His warmth came through very quickly,” Lew said.

“I reached over and touched him. It communicated that I’m not afraid to be close,” Jim said.

Both found what they were looking for: someone special.

On Aug. 25, 2001, they became legal domestic partners at a wedding at their country home.

They invited 100 people and had three celebrants: a Jewish layperson, a Wiccan high priest and a minister.

They invited plenty of children, “so they could have an opportunity to see that love isn’t limited by gender or by law,” Lew said. The children may not have understood everything about the ceremony, “but they knew something important and sacred was happening.”

Jim, 59, works providing home support for Lutheran Community Social Services and runs a small antique business. Lew, 58, is a men’s health educator and counselor for a hospital health network.

Like any relationship, theirs takes work. They have a few rules.

“We don’t do deprecating humor of each other. We try to really look at things not from, ‘I’m right, you’re wrong,’ but, ‘What does this relationship need?'”

The relationship is a given, Jim said. “We’re both 100 percent committed. It’s not, ‘If you don’t do this, I’m going to leave.’ We will not say that to each other.”

Both said they’re happy living in the country.

“Greene, Maine, is a lovely town to live in,” Lew said. “People pretty much mind their own business.” But when someone needs something, neighbors rally, he said. When Peter was dying, neighbors he barely knew offered to help. “It’s a great place to live,” he said. People wave as they pass by. “They let you be.”

“We both love nature,” said Jim, as he looked out a window at a winter scene outside their old farmhouse.

Jim recently has undergone multiple operations for skin cancer. He said he appreciates every day. Both appreciate each other.

“Lew has a way of celebrating things, of making something worth remembering,” Jim said. “That’s one of the characteristics about him that I love.”

“Jim has a boyhood energy that springs from life,” Lew said. “He’ll get frustrated about something, walk away from it, then come back and try again. That energy is fun to be with.”

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