ALLEY CAT

Bill Hargrove bowled three games in a Georgia league Wednesday. He’s 106. Talk about setting a bad precedent. Now we’re 60 years away from seeing a geriatric Pete Weber dig out his Terminator shades and let go of his walker to do crotch chops on ESPN14 when he tries to break the record.

FOLLOW THE BOUNCING BOB

Minor league baseball’s Portland Beavers are seeking three finalists before honoring a real fan named Robert L. Head with a Bob L. Head (bobblehead) doll. There are so many inappropriate punch lines to this story that I’m just going to let it stand on its own.

WANTED: SACRIFICIAL LAMB

As of Thursday afternoon, the Red Sox were tight-lipped about Josh Beckett’s replacement in the rotation for Friday night’s start against the Braves. Kason Gabbard, Runelvys Hernandez and Devern Hansack are said to be the favorites. My money’s on Al Nipper.

PACK HIS BAGS

Brett Favre will attend Green Bay Packers mini-camp this weekend after all instead of “preparing” for his daughter’s high school graduation. It was a lame excuse, considering that graduation is next Friday, May 25. As it turns out, Favre repented after hearing a rumor that John Madden was ashamed of him.

TIME BANDIT

Commissioner Roger Goodell is expected to propose shortening the first two rounds of the NFL Draft. Now, if he could just sign his name to an edict limiting all the pre-draft analysis to a single, two-hour block, he would immediately surpass Pete Rozelle and Paul Tagliabue and achieve pro sports sainthood.

EMPHASIS ON ‘SENIOR’

Marcus Camby has declined USA Basketball’s invitation to join the senior men’s national team due to a family matter. Wow, Marcus Camby still plays in the NBA? I’ll be damned.

BIG MAN ON CAMPUS

North Carolina has extended the contract of men’s basketball coach Roy Williams through the 2014-15 season. Now there’s job security. By the time that deal expires, Tyler Hansbrough will be called a “cagy veteran” more often than Robert Horry is now. And Williams will be 85.