MANAGE LIKE OZZIE, CURSE LIKE OZZY

Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen shouted obscenities on a drive-time radio show after the host questioned Guillen’s one-game benching of catcher A.J. Pierzynski. Those anger management classes must be working. Guillen didn’t label anyone racist or gay.

STREAKS WERE MADE TO BE BROKEN

Cincinnati linebacker A.J. Nicholson was arrested on a domestic violence charge Friday. Yeah, but the Bengals went four months without having a single player hauled off to jail. What more do you want?

GOODBYE, AND GOOD LUCK

Phil Evans resigned as president of the NBA Development League. It is believed that his annual income took a bigger hit when he stepped down as coach of his kid’s Little League team.

BRILLIANT INVESTMENT

Floyd Landis reportedly has raised $600,000 in private donations to fund his ongoing battle with the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency. The old ladies who sent Oral Roberts money so he wouldn’t die are off the hook. Cyclist wannabes are officially the biggest suckers in America.

LIS IS MORE

Erik Lis cranked a home run off Roger Clemens in the Rocket’s Class-A tune-up start Friday night. If Lis is unlucky enough to be in the majors in 2013 when the 50-year-old Clemens signs a deal that pays him $88.5 million per start, Lis can expect to have the barrel of a broken Louisville Slugger hurled at his head.

PAY IT FORWARD

Newly signed Houston Texans RB Ahman Green lured his preferred No. 30 away from teammate Jason Simmons by agreeing to make the down payment on a new home for a single mother. Nice, selfless ending to a story that started out as another silly example of self-absorption. Very cool save, Mr. Green.

ASSAULT IN THE WOUNDS

The Ottawa Senators have offered free tickets to a female Buffalo Sabres fan who was punched in the face by two men after the Sabres’ 3-2 win in Ottawa on Wednesday night. Hey, nice touch. I’m sure she can’t wait to go back.