NOT SO BUBBA-LICIOUS

America’s lowest score through two rounds of its national golf open was a guy named Bubba. And you thought the rest of the world was cleaning our clock in baseball and basketball.

AARON, BONDS, RUTH, MAYS NO WAY

Sammy Sosa hit his 599th career home run Friday. No, seriously: Sammy Freaking Sosa is one jack away from 600. Maybe he’ll voluntarily retire and preserve whatever integrity baseball has left. But I doubt it.

BAD FLASHBACK

Roger Clemens lost to the Mets on Friday night. No truth to the rumor that he called John McNamara after the sixth inning and begged to come out of the game.

THE MUSTACHE GIVES HIM AWAY

The Bruins have fired Dave Lewis after one year as head coach. Lewis will now regain 100 pounds and return to his prior engagement as the Time To Make the Donuts guy.

HEALTHIEST GUY IN A LEPER COLONY

Tony Parker was named NBA Finals MVP after the Spurs’ sleep-inducing sweep of the Cavaliers. Best performer in an unwatchable series, huh? Kind of like his fiancee.

PICK ME, PICK ME

University of Nevada guard Ramon Sessions has declared himself eligible for the NBA Draft. I think I’m speaking for every Celtics fan when I say, who the bleep is Ramon Sessions?

WHO NEEDS PRACTICE WHEN YOU’RE 2-14?

Oakland was forced to scrap the final week of its off-season training program after the NFL Players’ Union followed up on a complaint that coach Lane Kiffin’s prescribed workouts were too intense. Hmm, and I could have sworn that the Raiders traded Randy Moss.

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