UNION, N.J. (AP) – Rosa Cabezas was nervous. Her husband Carlos, a soldier in the New Jersey National Guard, was coming home from Iraq after being away for almost two years and she was worried about how he would fit back into the family and life he left behind to serve his country.

“I am excited, but I’m more nervous than anything else,” said Cabezas, 33, the day before the return of her husband of almost six years. “It’s like we’re two complete strangers now, and we have to reconnect, like we’re starting all over as a couple.”

For many spouses of returning soldiers, the homecoming is a source of both joy and apprehension about how each side has changed after many months apart. This deployment in Iraq was especially long for troops in two New Jersey National Guard units and their families. The units left for training in Mississippi in early fall of 2005. After arriving in Iraq in the spring of 2006, they expected to come home in late March or early April of this year, but in January they learned they had to stay in Iraq until June.

During that time, Rosa Cabezas gave birth to a son, Kael, who her husband has only seen once during home leave a year ago, while also raising the couple’s 5-year-old daughter, Kaira.

She and her husband talked by telephone every few days and also communicated via e-mail, but day-to-day decisions still fell on her shoulders.

She said it was a difficult process that made her a stronger, more independent person, but now she is worried about how her husband will view many of the decisions she made for the family.

Experts say that is common in marriages where one spouse is coming home from a long deployment.

“Everybody comes home and everybody’s glad to see each other, but there’s a change in roles and relationships and responsibilities,” said Col. Anthony Baker, who heads a division in the National Guard Bureau designed to help troops’ families.

“What you’ll have is a little tug of war because now the family has moved forward, so they’ve learned to do things on their own.”

Baker said the Guard has increased services available to returning troops and their families, including counseling and weekend getaways designed to help their marriages. In New Jersey and some other states, National Guard representatives also meet with the families before the troops return home, advising them to give their partners time to adjust.

A big concern for many families is how they should deal with a spouse or loved one who has been exposed to something horrific in combat.

Cabezas said that while part of her wants to help her husband deal with bad memories, another part of her doesn’t want to hear about such things.

“During the middle of the deployment he said he saw a little girl with a blown-up leg and she was about my daughter’s age, and that really scared me. And I think that made him change a lot,” Cabezas said.

Despite the stresses on troops and their families, a study published in April by Rand Corp. showed that the divorce rate among military families between 2001 and 2005 was no higher than it was during peacetime a decade earlier.

The New Jersey units’ soldiers were reunited with their families June 19 at Fort Dix.

“Being away from them, it’s the worst part,” said Carlos Cabezas, looking at his son and 5-year-old daughter. “I left on Father’s Day of last year, so it’s been a whole year of change since I’ve seen him.”

Rosa Cabezas said she and her husband intend to take things slowly as they work toward becoming partners again.

“We’re just going by hope and prayer every day,” she said. “We have a long time to raise these kids. We have a lot of time to make up.”

AP-ES-06-24-07 1543EDT