2:30 p.m., ESPN2

Touted as “a tour of the U.S. playground basketball scene.” Sebastian Telfair will be the new star of the series within six months.

World Team Tennis, Westchester vs. Newport Beach

4 p.m., Versus

Like professional soccer, it died in the 1970s and somebody insists on bringing it back.

MLB: Orioles at Red Sox

7 p.m., NESN

Those of us who grew up watching Earl Weaver’s temper tantrums can’t comprehend the O’s being this wretched for this long.

MLB: Mets at Brewers

8 p.m., ESPN

One of the dirty secrets about baseball: If you go 21-9 in April, you can play .500 ball the rest of the way and have a chance to win your division.

Down the Barrel

8 p.m., ESPN2

A two-hour (TWO-HOUR!) look at surfer Kelly Slater’s bid for an eighth world championship. And if you knew Kelly Slater existed, you’re already one step ahead of me.

MLB: Giants at Dodgers

10 p.m., ESPN2

If God has a sense of humor, Barry Bonds will break this record in a city where he’s even more universally hated than in the rest of the country.

Sox Appeal

10:30 p.m., NESN

A speed-dating reality show at Fenway Park. For those of us whose wives refuse to understand baseball, watching dolled-up gals who at least pretend to get it is like walking past a pizza parlor on the way home from a stay at the fat farm.

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