YANKEES ANONYMOUS

Joba Chamberlain ate an Egg McMuffin for breakfast this morning, jams to Primus and Radiohead on his iPod, is partial to the works of J.D. Salinger and gets turned off by arrogant people. OK, so I don’t know if any of that is true. I was only worried that a set-up man with 21 2/3 innings of big-league experience wasn’t getting enough publicity and thought you might be thirsting for more information about the guy.

KNEE DEEP

Baseball nut job Milton Bradley will miss the post-season for the San Diego Padres (assuming they get there) after tearing an ACL when his own manager, Bud Black, wrestled the enraged outfielder to the ground while trying to separate Bradley from an umpire. Take that, atheists: Indisputable, visual evidence that there is a God up there with a delicious sense of humor.

IT’S OK, ONE OF HIS HOT DAUGHTERS WILL TAKE OVER

Over-the-hill drag racer John Force suffered a compound fracture of his left ankle, a dislocated wrist and a severely lacerated knee in a crash at Sunday’s NHRA Fall Nationals. Just wondering what similarly life-altering moment might persuade Force’s brethren in the reality TV universe, Gene Simmons and Ozzy Osbourne, to retire before they destroy their legacies, too.

JUST OWN UP AND LET THEM MAKE YOU AN OFFER, MAN

Jose Offerman has pleaded not guilty to attacking minor leaguers Matt Beech and John Nathans with a baseball bat during a Single-A game in August. Um, dude, we all watched you do it a hundred times on SportsCenter. Or was that some other has-been?

THEY’LL FOREGO THE FINE, BECAUSE HE CAN’T AFFORD IT

In other courthouse news, Mike Tyson has pleaded guilty to a felony charge of drug possession and a misdemeanor DUI charge. He could receive a maximum sentence of 51 months. Sounds like small potatoes, but combine this with O.J. Part II and it’s been a productive month for formerly world class athletes who probably belong in prison, anyhow.

EVERYBODY GETS A TURN

Notre Dame football is 0-4 for the first time in its 119-year history. It’s officially the most delicious comeuppance in sports since the Yankees rolled out a starting rotation of Scott Sanderson, Jeff Johnson, Wade Taylor, Tim Leary and Dave Eiland in 1991. The hush from both teams’ bandwagon fans during those seasons of discontent was equally deafening, too.

DRIVEN TO DISTRACTION

CBS reported Sunday that NFL teams have been warned not to allow their cheerleaders to warm up, stretch or stand anywhere near the visitors’ bench to distract their players during pre-game. Sounds like more fine work by Eric Mangini, who is insanely jealous that the Jets’ cheerleaders won’t walk within a 1,000-foot radius of him.