Call us crazy. We assumed the Label Shopper sold labels.

We pictured an array of colorful sticky tabs and storage stickers. A full aisle of “Hello. My name is. . .” A towering display of old-school embossing label-makers that allowed us to tag all of the kitchen spices, every box in the basement and, once in a fit of label mania, the cat, with green slips of plastic that curlicued when they got too long.

We were a little excited about our new label prospects.

But strolling closer to the Label Shopper, we couldn’t help but notice the window display had a conspicuous lack of, well, labels. There were, however, a very nice pair of ladies’ jeans.

“Label,” it turned out, meant clothing label. Imagine our chagrin.

Then imagine our delight and soon-to-be-empty wallets.

On Route 26 in Oxford, the Label Shopper is like a mini Burlington Coat Factory, with designer bargains brought to you by way of canceled product orders and manufacturers’ overruns. The clothes — for men, women and teens — are cute and the prices excellent. Just don’t go looking for labels. In many of the clothes, they were either clipped out or taped over. (Though hint: The tape comes off.)

Alas, we shall have to fill our name-tag requirements elsewhere. Our fall wardrobes, however, are no longer so needy.    

* John Deere women’s PJs, $13.99

Super-soft T-shirt with moderately soft PJ pants. In various sizes and styles, including a pink and green set whose pants feature tiny pigs riding on tiny tractors. Whimsical and farm-related. You won’t find these at Victoria’s Secret.

* Coldwater Creek misses’ T-shirts, $3.99

Cotton Ts, nearly all in navy blue. Hey, it’s a good color on you.

* Gap halter tops, $3.99 to $4.99

Shopping Siren is all but certain she just saw these at the Gap Outlet in Kittery for a whole lot more money.

* Southpole men’s jean shorts, $13.99

You have, we estimate, about two weeks left to wear shorts without someone looking at you funny. Maybe four weeks, if it’s a warm fall. Don’t mind being really, really cold while shoveling? Infinite weeks. Buy two pair.

* Fashion Bug plus-size khakis and dress pants, $14.99

Perfect for work. You know, that place with the cubicles, the coffee, the paycheck and the co-workers who mutter things like, “Razzle-dazzle, man! Razzle-dazzle.” You totally know that guy.

* Moda Tex white linen sundress, $14.99

Dainty and trimmed in blue. Wear now, wear later with a jacket or save for next spring. The possibilities are endless.

* Larea yoga pants, $11.99

Tan with a camo-trimmed waistband, which is about the only way Bag Lady could ever stomach sporting camo.

* Canda men’s soft-blue button-down dress shirt, $4

Originally Label Shopper-priced at $11.99, and a good deal at that, but then the shirt was kicked to a rack marked “warehouse prices.” Now it just feels like stealing.

* Unik zip-up, hooded fleece, various sizes, $11.99

OK, so the brand name is good for a titter (Bag Lady suspects no men work in Unik’s marketing department). But it’s a heck of a deal. As nice as the Columbia fleece (also in stock during our visit) at one-third the markdown price.

Best find: Southpole men’s faux leather biker jacket, $39.99

In sizes XL and XXL only, these jackets will fit big guys only. But if you know a big guy — or are a big guy — you’re in luck. Regularly $140, marked down to $39.99, these leather-like (OK, polyurethane) jackets are both handsome and cool. Just like your big guy.

Think twice: Random panties, $1.99

Large. White. Moderately high waist. The kind every woman wears (um, right?) but good god, man, no one displays them a single pair at a time on a pants hanger. They look so sad, so out there, so laid bare. Label this inappropriate.

Bag Lady and Shopping Siren’s true identities are protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who firmly believe the cat should be labeled often and in neon green) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach them at [email protected] and [email protected].