Call us crazy. We assumed the Label Shopper sold labels.

We pictured an array of colorful sticky tabs and storage stickers. A full aisle of “Hello. My name is. . .” A towering display of old-school embossing label-makers that allowed us to tag all of the kitchen spices, every box in the basement and, once in a fit of label mania, the cat, with green slips of plastic that curlicued when they got too long.

We were a little excited about our new label prospects.

But strolling closer to the Label Shopper, we couldn’t help but notice the window display had a conspicuous lack of, well, labels. There were, however, a very nice pair of ladies’ jeans.

“Label,” it turned out, meant clothing label. Imagine our chagrin.

Then imagine our delight and soon-to-be-empty wallets.

On Route 26 in Oxford, the Label Shopper is like a mini Burlington Coat Factory, with designer bargains brought to you by way of canceled product orders and manufacturers’ overruns. The clothes — for men, women and teens — are cute and the prices excellent. Just don’t go looking for labels. In many of the clothes, they were either clipped out or taped over. (Though hint: The tape comes off.)

Alas, we shall have to fill our name-tag requirements elsewhere. Our fall wardrobes, however, are no longer so needy.    

* John Deere women’s PJs, $13.99

Super-soft T-shirt with moderately soft PJ pants. In various sizes and styles, including a pink and green set whose pants feature tiny pigs riding on tiny tractors. Whimsical and farm-related. You won’t find these at Victoria’s Secret.

* Coldwater Creek misses’ T-shirts, $3.99

Cotton Ts, nearly all in navy blue. Hey, it’s a good color on you.

* Gap halter tops, $3.99 to $4.99

Shopping Siren is all but certain she just saw these at the Gap Outlet in Kittery for a whole lot more money.

* Southpole men’s jean shorts, $13.99

You have, we estimate, about two weeks left to wear shorts without someone looking at you funny. Maybe four weeks, if it’s a warm fall. Don’t mind being really, really cold while shoveling? Infinite weeks. Buy two pair.

* Fashion Bug plus-size khakis and dress pants, $14.99

Perfect for work. You know, that place with the cubicles, the coffee, the paycheck and the co-workers who mutter things like, “Razzle-dazzle, man! Razzle-dazzle.” You totally know that guy.

* Moda Tex white linen sundress, $14.99

Dainty and trimmed in blue. Wear now, wear later with a jacket or save for next spring. The possibilities are endless.

* Larea yoga pants, $11.99

Tan with a camo-trimmed waistband, which is about the only way Bag Lady could ever stomach sporting camo.

* Canda men’s soft-blue button-down dress shirt, $4

Originally Label Shopper-priced at $11.99, and a good deal at that, but then the shirt was kicked to a rack marked “warehouse prices.” Now it just feels like stealing.

* Unik zip-up, hooded fleece, various sizes, $11.99

OK, so the brand name is good for a titter (Bag Lady suspects no men work in Unik’s marketing department). But it’s a heck of a deal. As nice as the Columbia fleece (also in stock during our visit) at one-third the markdown price.

Best find: Southpole men’s faux leather biker jacket, $39.99

In sizes XL and XXL only, these jackets will fit big guys only. But if you know a big guy — or are a big guy — you’re in luck. Regularly $140, marked down to $39.99, these leather-like (OK, polyurethane) jackets are both handsome and cool. Just like your big guy.

Think twice: Random panties, $1.99

Large. White. Moderately high waist. The kind every woman wears (um, right?) but good god, man, no one displays them a single pair at a time on a pants hanger. They look so sad, so out there, so laid bare. Label this inappropriate.

Bag Lady and Shopping Siren’s true identities are protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who firmly believe the cat should be labeled often and in neon green) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach them at baglady@sunjournal.com and shoppingsiren@sunjournal.com.

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