Pot holes

We’re going to have a lot of them this spring, yes indeed. Imagine if they were actual holes full of pot? Boy, that would change the driving experience. But I’m just thinking aloud, now.

Pine and Bates

Word on the street is that Lewiston city leader types actually voted on whether to dismantle, deconstruct or otherwise do away with the traffic light at Pine and Bates. Hello! It’s the worst light in the city and possibly in all of North America. Who the hell voted to keep it and where do they live? Now I have to go over to Pine and Bates and get rid of that traffic light myself, possibly with the help of some Road Runner-style explosive bought at the Acme store. Kaboom, and whatnot!

BATFEOS

Just kidding about that traffic light, Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, Explosives and Other Stuff. No reason to raid my home and whatnot.

Riverside trails

I hereby extend my full support to the Schott family as they attempt to delay the walking trail project along the river near Riverside Cemetery in Lewiston. If you need someone to chain himself to a tree or anything radical like that, I’m your guy. I even have my own chains and lock. Ask me why.

Surf’s up

Wednesday night, around 7:45 p.m., the Weather Channel issued – and I had others look at this to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating again – a high surf advisory for the city of Lewiston. I gathered up my boogie board and beach shorts and headed on down to Lisbon Street, but there wasn’t a gnarly tube or rad breaker to be found. Interestingly, I wasn’t the only one down there with beach shorts and a surf board.

The hole truth

Also Thursday night there was a report of a boy falling through a hole in a floor on Oxford Street. There was, in fact, a hole in a floor, but there was no boy. I did see Morgan Freeman stroking his chin with deep thought, though. (If you get that joke, you might be a science geek.)

Color me flattered

That Bill Eldridge rascal from Poland is at it again, this time sketching me in caveman form as (I think) a tribute to my recent coverage of DNA ancestry. Bill Eldridge is a very talented artist, but I’d like to know why I look better in his sketches than I do in real life. On second thought, don’t answer that.

Holy Grail in Maine?

Maybe, but they’re looking in the wrong place. Try Marden’s, where you’ll find it on display next to the beer steins and coffee mugs. You should have bought that sacred artifact when you saw it at Marden’s, fool.