An important note on ants

You will see that I have nothing but admiration for ants, and would like to vacation someday in one of their many fine colonies. That said, though, it’s important for me to point out that I want absolutely nothing to do with their form of government (or governmANT, if you will). Ants embrace totalitarianism, where sovereignty gives way to complete and unquestioned fealty to the state. Perhaps one day a small but committed group of BostoniANTs will rise up and demand liberty. Until that time, ants remain mere subjects and I’ll have none of it. End rANT.

Beastly

Congratulations to Richard Burton, longtime animal control expert officially hired in that capacity to handle critter complaints in Livermore. I’ve seen Rich in action many, many times and you couldn’t ask for a more skilled and compassionate man for the job. Please note that this is not the same Richard Burton who starred in such fine films as “Night of the Iguana,”What’s New, Pussycat?” and “Where Eagles Dare.” I don’t think. I should probably ask him.

Ice out!

Or not. Someday we’ll have a murder committed during an argument over whether the ice is or is not out on Lake Auburn. “I went to Tabor’s today and didn’t see any ice, therefore it’s out!” “Nuh uh! I was walking over near Summer Street and I saw a big chunk of ice. Therefore it’s not out!” And so on until swords are drawn and blood flows in the streets.

Warm thoughts

You know, the ice would go out much sooner on the lake if they’d let us pee in it.

What th . . .

Apparently as I was writing those profound thoughts earlier in the week, the ice went out on Lake Auburn. The Warden’s Service says it happened late Wednesday night, in fact. How they could possibly know that is beyond me. Probably the NSA keeping an eye on things out there. Or a drone. Or some guy named Louis.

Freeze frame

As soon as we learned that the ice was out on Lake Auburn (it was a stop-the-press moment) stud photographer Russ Dillingham was dispatched to get photos. Your average photographer would just snap a shot of the frigid lake, but not Russ. To actually capture the last moments of the last morsel of ice on Lake Auburn, he did that whole fly-around-the-planet backwards thing to turn back time just enough. If you look at Russ’ photo very carefully, you can see the final splinter of ice floating in the lake. Go look right now and report back when you spot it.

Flying high again

A 15-year old boy last week survived a five-hour flight between California and Hawaii while riding in the wheel well of a big ol’ jet airliner. This story struck close to home because the very same thing happened to me when I was a boy. The exception being that it was a laundry hamper that never left the ground and it was only for a half-hour, but other than that, Same Exact Thing.

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