Isn’t it weird

That in 2015, you still see commercials plugging “new and improved” toothbrush technology? We can land ships on comets yet we’re still working on a stick and some bristles to clean our choppers? And don’t even get me started on toilet paper. Mr. Charmin perfected it 30 years ago. Why are they still talking about weaves and plies?

UMaine security gets M16 rifles

Because there’s no better way to combat fraternity tomfoolery than with a few hundred rounds of 5.56, am I right? Swallow one more goldfish, Frat Boy, and see what you get.

Spoiler alert

Back in the day, I used to get menacing messages and threats from gangsters, drug dealers, street thugs and enraged cops. These days? “Grey’s Anatomy” fans. The next time I write about Dr. Derek Shepherd’s death, I promise I will include a spoiler alert.

Spoiler alert P.S.

I will never again write about Dr. Shepherd’s death. If the situation calls for it for some Hollyweird reason, I will happily throw myself down a flight of stairs to get out of it. I’ve never seen a single episode of “Grey’s Anatomy.” Of course, if I WAS a fan, I probably wouldn’t tell you, so I guess we’re at an impasse here.

Camden Yards-ards-ards

Much ado is being made about the fact that the Baltimore Orioles, due to rioting outside, were playing an MLB baseball game without a single soul in the seats. Hello! This is how the Kansas City Royals have played baseball since the mid-1980s.

Westbrook councilor calls for governor’s death, denies it, admits it, apologizes, un-apologizes, steals reporter’s phone and runs away.

Shoot, I put all the good stuff in the headline. What more is there to say? I hope, when the councilor grabbed the reporter’s phone, he at least had the decency to say “Yoink!” before running off with little cartoon sound effects rising from his feet.

Westbrook part II

I know the reporter involved in that strange scene. Good guy, Steve Mistler. So it is with my utmost respect and admiration that I say, “Ha ha! Mistler got his phone yoinked by an old guy!”

The oldest profession

So, it would appear that I’ll be going on a clam dig in Freeport at the end of the month and the event listing states that I should bring my own clam ho to the dig site. I’m a little confused but I’m sure they’ll explain it to me once we both get there.

Sounds like a good time regardless.

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