Krispy Kreme

I once had a spooky experience at a Krispy Kreme in Myrtle Beach. The young clerk there appeared to know my name and my wife’s name, even though it was our first visit to the business and to the state. We later found out that the clerk was a young man who had drowned in a hotel pool a year earlier. (Not really, but I like to add that part to the story just to give it more sizzle.)

Crispy Cream

The coffee isn’t bad and I hear good things about their doughnuts, but can you really trust a place that misspells the only two words in its title?

Wet ‘n wild

Tuesday was a meteorological freak show of rain, snow, wind and then more rain. The only good thing I can say about weather like that is that when it gets that wild, you can call it “ghastly” without sounding like a Thurston Howell III wannabe. It really WAS ghastly, wasn’t it, Lovey?

You can’t teach this kind of stuff

The other night in Lewiston, I spotted a license plate that told the world: “ILUV2TCH.” Now, typically, I require a dictionary, a thesaurus, an abacus and at least two weeks of free time to deduce the meaning of these kinds of vanity plates. This one, though, I deduced right away. “I Love to Touch.” Pretty simple. Clearly the driver of this automobile is a phrenologist.

Coneheads unite

You had to look up “phrenologist,” didn’t you? This kind of word play would come more easily if you had a lumpier head.

Westminster Dog Show

I’ve never watched the show, but every year when I hear about it, I find myself talking the talk completely out of context.  “Here we have a mustachioed Affenpinscher,” I said recently, while ordering a large coffee, “with pleasing proud buttocks and a charmingly arrogant snout. Profuse trouserings give this fellow a coquettish air while the low-slung undercarriage is reminiscent of the Griffon Vendeen.” Weirdly, the clerk got my order right.

Three dog nights

In Lewiston, as it turns out, a person is not allowed to own more than three dogs. Who comes up with this stuff? Tick-riddled and slight in the haunches, this dull-eyed breed is best known for its intrusive snout and the persistent hair across the southern-most region of its hindquarters. Thanks. Can I get cream and sugar with that?

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