Hot Blooded

How stoked are you that Foreigner is coming to Maine? Pretty stoked, I’ll bet. You got your roach clip feather hanging from the pocket of your denim coat. You got your bright red bandanna hanging from your back pocket. You’ve got your Bic lighter, your feathered hair, your 12-pack of Stroh’s. Rock on, Broheim. Just don’t forget to complain bitterly and pretend you hate it when they play “I’ve Been Waiting For a Girl Like You” and “I Want to Know What Love Is,” or else the big kids will tease and beat you just like in the old days.

Gas prices up a dime

I paid nearly two bucks a gallon the last time I filled up. Demonic Russians. With this situation in mind, I’m totally going to need you to help out when we head for the Foreigner show. You know what they say: Gas, grass or . . . one other thing the newspaper totally won’t let me print.

Journie

Whilst I was crowing about the fact that Foreigner is coming, a colleague informed me that Journey is also headed to Maine, only without Steve Perry. Say, whaaaaat? Can they even call themselves “Journey” if Steve Perry isn’t there singing, in his freakishly high girl voice, about midnight suns, open arms and other womanly matters? Lame. And also weak.

Gov. LePage wants to hike police salaries

And also to suspend the driver’s licenses of drug dealers. I’m betting Paul LePage wasn’t a ball to party with back in the day.

Gone fishing

Much excitement followed the news that fishing season would come two weeks early this year. Oh, happy day! Across the land, everyone was happy to hear the news. Except, you know. The fish. They thought they had more time!

Worumbo falling

Was the fate of the historic mill foretold in the book by the same name? Find out at www.marklaflamme.com/worumbo.

Spring roll

I’m starting to think that maybe we’re all gloating too much about this early spring thing. The early fishing season, the shovels packed away in the basement, that new sprocket I put on my wife’s motorcycle so I can ride it while mine’s in the shop. . . . I even heard that some ATV trails are opening up. These are all things that aggravate Mom Nature, a notorious narcissist and philanderer. Even as I write the words, I’m hearing rumors of a monster snowstorm set to barrel in this very weekend. Merciful God, what have we wrought? If this messes up my plans for the Foreigner show, I’ll never get over it. I just had my hair feathered.

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