Man offers to pimp for undercover cop

This still cracks me up. I mean, it’s one thing when you accidentally rear-end a cruiser after leaving a bar – we’ve all been there, right? – but offering to don a big hat, pinky ring and some gold chains for an undercover 5-0? That kind of thing will just wreck your night. Plus, it’s kind of embarrassing, ain’t it? Here you are offering muscle and know-how to a lass who has at least five government goons hiding in cars around the block. This cat ought to at least get a consolation shirt or something. “I offered to pimp for the po po, but all I got was this bright orange jumpsuit.”

Car slides into porch in Auburn

That was a fun video, wasn’t it? I think the paper should run some kind of contest where you readers can try to guess what the driver screeched while making that looooong skid into chaos. I have a guess, but I’m not allowed to post it here because as a sort-of Sun Journal employee, I’m disqualified from the contest. Also my guess is a string of six swear words and four swear-word hybrids the driver likely made up on the spot.

A warm cup of braggadocio

In my search for a story on you lucky bums who spend the winter months in warmer places, I heard from a number of people who didn’t want any part of my story or nuthin, they just wanted to brag a little. On Tuesday, as rain was falling on fresh snow in these parts, I heard from a fellow in St. Augustine, Fla., who was ambling along the beach in 80-degree weather wearing shorts and flip-flops. On Wednesday, as rain turned to sleet and then back again, I got a note from a dude who spent part of the day snorkeling off Singer Island before heading to the tiki bar to do crossword puzzles and drink beer. For some reason, it was the crossword puzzles at the tiki bar that finally reduced me to bitter tears. If you’re a snowbird and you’d also like to make me cry, write me at [email protected] with your tales of snowbird glory. 

In the air tonight

Early Wednesday evening, after a day of constant rain and other ick, I saw a woman with a shovel chasing a man up Walnut Street in Lewiston. A block or two later, I spotted a cat chasing a very large dog up a slush-covered hill. It was such a bizarre day in downtown Lewiston, I fully expected to see a shirtless drunk man chasing a cop on foot before I came to the end of Walnut.

Don’t forget

To set your clocks ahead an hour this weekend. Just do it! It will amuse me.