AVON — Kathi Goings Caton says, “No matter how old I am, I’m still learning and growing and thinking about what God wants me to be …”

Through the various chapters of her life – childhood, schoolgirl, undergrad, wife, foster parent, stepmother, businesswoman, missionary – Kathi has grown from an awkward little girl in pigtails into a gracious, sincere woman with a strong character and a great love for God. Her story is one of naiveté and insight, laughter and tears, insecurity and confidence. As for many, it is a story of change.

Kathi Goings was born Dec. 11, 1960, in Farmington Falls, the youngest daughter of Hope and Harry Goings. She was raised with three brothers and two sisters.

“I never thought much about what I wanted to be back then,” Kathi recalls.

“I was too busy playing with my Barbies.”

The Barbies accompanied Kathi on many adventures. She often hauled them in her wagon down across the cornfields behind her home to the Sandy River for “camping trips” or to go swimming.

“We were always doing things outside,” Kathi continued, referring to herself and the other neighborhood children, “not hanging around inside.”

“The Campbell family had their own baseball team … we played right in the road,” she noted.

Later in the summer, after harvest, there were rotten tomato fights in the corn maze. During the autumn rains, large pools of water flooded the cornfields. As temperatures lowered, the leftover ponds iced over, transforming the battlefield into a skating rink.

“Some of the older kids made a bonfire – another great way that the community kids got together.”

With the return of spring came another of the Goings and Campbell kids’ favorite neighborhood activities – the hanging of May baskets. For this traditional activity, the kids would pool their resources to purchase candy. Back in these good ole’ days, you could buy two pieces for one penny – except for the Mary Janes and Squirrels, which cost a whole penny each.

The pile of sweets was placed in a homemade basket of some sort, which actually was hung right on the knob of the victim’s door. One child would ring the bell or knock and holler, “May basket on ‘insert friend’s name’!” and everybody in on the act would head for the hills while it was up to the “hang-ee” to chase them down. Once caught, you helped capture the others. When everyone was rounded up, everyone got to share the bounty.

Many people may be only familiar with May baskets. These were so much fun, it didn’t take long for this brood to incorporate the April Horn so that this activity could be extended over two months.

“Good old-fashioned memories,” Kathi sighed, “just a carefree time in my life.”

Kathi did confess that some activities of the older kids made her uncomfortable. She particularly remembers that “partying bothered me. I was kind of a scaredy-cat. I worried about accidents and people getting hurt … it was not my thing.”

Kathi also took school very seriously, wanting to take advantage of the opportunity to learn. She was self-motivated and put a lot of pressure on herself.

“It was always school first. I wanted straight As,” she stated.

“Once I got a D and that was devastating.”

It was junior year in social studies.

“I studied and studied and studied,” she said, noting it was impossible to know what would be on the test.

“There were pop quizzes all the time over random things from four chalkboards full of notes!” she declared.

“It was an intense class – just too much.”

Her diligence paid off, however. Kathi was inducted into the National Honor Society that year despite the D in social studies.

She also got a part-time job her junior year. During her eighth grade “Intro to Accounting” class at Mt. Blue Junior High, Kathi discovered her love for working with numbers. She knew then that she wanted to be an accountant, a CPA. Thanks to an accounting teacher’s husband, who owned Farmington Drug Store on Broadway (where Touch of Class is today), she was offered a part-time job as a bookkeeper.

The drug store also had a soda counter, so Kathi tended that sometimes, as well as filling prescriptions and creating window displays and “whatever they wanted done.”

Kathi Goings graduated from Mt. Blue High School in June 1979. Following her goal of becoming an accountant, she enrolled at Husson College in Bangor. She continued to work part-time at Farmington Drug Store during vacations. As fate would have it, this site will have a major part to play in Kathi’s story.

Skip to Valentine’s weekend, 1980. Kathi was home to attend a Valentine’s Dance at the Farmington Elk’s Lodge with her parents, her aunt and her uncle.

“I danced with this guy,” Kathi shared, “and I really liked him.”

Kathi had dated very little during high school; “no serious boyfriends.”

It was “always school first,” she explained.

“I was everyone’s friend and was comfortable with that.”

Following a whirlwind romance, Kathi was married in August 1980.

This would be an especially formative time in Kathi’s young life. It turned out to be a very difficult time, as well. Within the first year, the exuberance of first love and the fast track to a summer wedding had transformed itself into a “very traumatic relationship.” Without going into a lot of detail, Kathi’s world turned from blissful to anguished. The turmoil wreaked havoc with her whole existence. Now in her second year of college and having transferred to Thomas College in Waterville, Kathi was missing a lot of class time, which resulted in being placed on academic probation.

“I was ashamed,” she admitted.

“I felt defeated … everything had been about studying…and I so wanted to do well.”

In retrospect, Kathi can see now that through all of this she was shouldering the blame for the problems in the relationship, a burden that was becoming too much to bear. At the time, however, she decided that it would be best for her not to go back to school.

In the fall of 1981, Kathi did not return to Thomas. She took some evening classes at UMF. She worked full-time at the drugstore.

“No one knew what was really happening,” she explained.

“Life went on…and I was in denial.”

Putting it “all in a nutshell,” Kathi was divorced in just less than three years, declaring “irreconcilable differences.”

Time passed. Kathi moved to an apartment on Perham Street. Though she never did earn her degree in accounting, she took a  bookkeeping/secretarial position in the office of William Bernard, Accounting above Farmington Drug Store. This was the field in which she had always wanted to work. Things were looking up.

Sometimes, she went downstairs for lunch at the soda counter. Often “this guy,” a barber who worked across the street at Turner’s Tender Cut (still a barber shop to this day, but now Broadway Barber Shop), was also lunching there.

“He was just funny,” she smiled.

“I can’t remember just what led up to it, but one day, he said, ‘If you wear pants tomorrow, I’ll take you for a motorcycle ride.’”

Being the professional that she was, Kathi always wore dresses for work. Now she had to make a major decision: to wear pants or not to wear pants.

She wore pants and this turned out to be the couple’s first date. With only a half-hour lunch break, Bob Caton and Kathi headed out of town along Route 2. Was it only coincidence that they just happened to turn around in the driveway of Kathi’s parents’ store, Goings Electric? Hmmm.

“From there [Bob] invited me to soccer games of his two younger sons,” Kathi continued.

“His oldest son, Eugene, did not go with us…I later invited him and Bob to dinner.”

Going to his boys’ games was the start of a new relationship for Bob and Kathi.

“He was kind,” Kathi said.

“After what I’d been through, it was great to be with someone who was patient and gentle and funny.”

“We just hit it off,” she stated simply, “ and that led to 33 and a half years of marriage. We would’ve been celebrating our 34th anniversary last November.”

Sadly, Bob passed away on April 15, 2018, after a long illness, which included an inoperable heart condition and diabetes, which may have led to the heart condition. There were other health issues, the combination of which, in the end, resulted in kidney failure.

Bob’s and Kathi’s marriage brought a new set of challenges.

“Three stepsons taught this 23-year-old a lot,” Kathi acknowledged.

“They put me through my paces – again and again and again.”

“Looking back,” she reflected, “the determination I learned in high school got me through. It all made me stronger. It was a strenuous relationship [with the boys] for a while, but I loved them dearly and they’ve been there for me [through these latest hard times].”

Along with Bob’s three sons, Kathi and he also took in four foster children throughout their life together, giving them “a forever family of seven.”

“I am blessed greatly by those children and 11 grandchildren and one great-grandchild!” she exclaimed.

Kathi gave up her position with Bernard & Mullen Accounting in their office above the Farmington Drug Store after she was married in 1984. She went to work for her parents, Hope and Harry Goings, at Goings Electric Supply in Farmington Falls. Though the family sold the business in October 2016, Kathi continues to work there as manager for the new owner, CED/Gilman. Additionally, in 2007, Kathi became the founder and president of Schooling Christian Haitians Out of Love, Inc. (More about that later.)

Over their years together, Bob and Kathi enjoyed dancing, motorcycle rides, camping and fishing and spending time with friends and family.

In 2001, Bob was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy; one-third of his heart muscle did not work. He was informed by his doctor that he probably had only three years left.

“Those three years were the worst ever,” and still more challenges, chief among them the challenge of uncertainty. Bob was in and out of the hospital. He was battling depression. And, it seemed as if they were surrounded by death and illness: Kathi’s father passed away in 2003; her brother Randy died from a massive heart attack in 2005; her brother, Steve, was battling cirrhosis of the liver, and Kathi’s very dear friend, Anna, had just been diagnosed with cancer.

Bob had survived the three-year limit, “but we were on shaky ground.”

It was at about this time that Kathi asked Nancy Wilkins if she would go with her to spend the night with their mutual friend, Anna. On the ride, Nancy asked Kathi about her faith.

“Do you believe in God?” Nancy asked Kathi.

“Yes.”

“Do you believe you are going to heaven?”

“Yes.”

And the big question, “Why?”

“Because I try to be a good person.”

Kathi was certain about this. She had attended Sunday School as a child. She tried not to lie, didn’t cheat, or steal. She tried to treat people kindly and fairly.

“You can’t get to heaven by being good.” Nancy’s response shook Kathi’s whole being.

She could not believe that but Nancy assured her that the Bible was very clear on this point.

“Show me where it says that in the Bible!” responded Kathi demanding proof. She laughs about this comment now because she did not read her Bible. She thinks that she believed in God and that the Bible was true because her Grandmother Pillsbury always presented it that way.

When she and Nancy got back home, Nancy supplied the verses in question and Kathi understood that it truly was not about “being good.”

“Nancy showed me where in the Bible it says, If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. (Romans 10:9, 10)”

The impact that had on Kathi stayed with her. One early summer morning, she was kayaking by herself. The mist was just lifting off the water. The world was still.

“All of a sudden, I was just crying and telling God, ‘I cannot do this anymore…can’t handle all the death and illness’.”

Thinking of all she had been learning about God and thinking about the poem, “Footprints In the Sand,” she felt the flood of tears and a sweet release as she said to God, “I need You to carry me.”

“Right then, I invited God into my life…and that was the start of the change of who I am.”

To be continued…