I’m sure that most of you are just dying to hear how, on Sunday night at 8:36 p.m. EST, I managed to convert my humble home computer into a sweet Linux-Windows dual boot machine in spite of earlier problems booting in legacy mode. Who can blame you? This story is WAAAAY more thrilling than that “Star Wars” nonsense Disney is putting out. Pttth! “Star Wars.” The only way I’ll find that interesting is if Luke rises from the dead to partition his hard drive to accommodate a Linux Mint Cinnamon install.

Uh oh

I sure hope I didn’t give away the ending just now. Last thing I want in this life is a bunch of “Star Wars” enthusiasts mad at me. I’m still shaken from the time I wrought the ire of those “Fifty Shades of Grey” people and had to go into hiding for a month.

We never had this meeting

During a recent trip to Hannaford in Lewiston, I found the store crowded with plain-clothes cops. The chief was there, as was one of his top lieutenants. In another line, jawing with the clerk, was a retired lieutenant from Auburn. Now, when I run into police officers in a grocery store, I don’t talk to them. I always assume they’re on some covert undercover mission to bust up the coupon cartel or to nab people who bring more than 10 items into the express lane. Far be it for me to blow the cover of these fine officers, so I just glide right by them without a word. Of course, if they’re only there to get groceries like the rest of us, then I look like an utter snob walking by with his considerable nose in the air. Maybe we should come up with some super secret password system. If I say “cantaloupe” and they respond with “‘pastrami,” the coast is clear and chatting is acceptable. If they respond “macaroni” however . . . well, you don’t even want to know what “macaroni” means. In fact, I fear I’ve said too much already.

Sign of the times

So, soon there will be a nifty 30-foot “Hopeful” sign atop Bates Mill No. 5 in Lewiston. This is a swell idea and the sign itself looks really nice. I just fear that it’s not always going to accurately reflect the mood of the city at any given time. It would be keen if they could change the sign based on how the town folk are feeling that particular day for a better representation of who we are as people. “Surly,” it might say on an average Thursday. “Still drunk from the night before,” might be the message on Monday mornings. Of course, the artist may want to wait until after the holidays to put the sign up there. The good people of Lewiston tend to get stressed out around Christmas and ain’t nobody got time for a sign that says “Broke, dog-tired and in gastric distress because those rotten kids of mine don’t appreciate what they’ve got!” Then again, with all those spiffy lights, that message would sure look pretty.

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