Tarantulas seized from Norway motel
I have just received information that William Shatner is shaken but otherwise safe after the ordeal. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you need to go back to the ’70s and watch more “Creature Features.”

The most wonderful time of the year?
Meanwhile, in downtown Lewiston, a woman fairly new to the area reports spotting a young woman, dressed as a white unicorn, arguing with a man dressed as Chewbacca as they strolled up Pine Street. “They were dressed head to toe in their outfits,” the baffled noobie told me. “They acted like they had normal clothes on. Did they not have their laundry done? I don’t get it.” Since the lady is somewhat new to the area, it was tempting to tell her: “Oh, that? Why, July 14 in Lewiston is Dress As Your Favorite Fur-Bearing Fictional Creature and Argue with a Stranger on the Street Day. Did you not get my Dress As Your Favorite Fur-Bearing Fictional Creature and Argue with a Stranger on the Street Day card?”

Hail in July!
Yawn. I mean, is anybody really surprised by this? When you consider the strangeness of 2020, it’s hard to get overly excited by a rain of anything, up to and including tarantulas, William Shatner, unicorns or people dressed as Chewbacca. Hail? Ptth. Wake me up when chocolate Graham crackers start falling from the skies (you still can’t find the dang things in the stores) or let me sleep.

Alligator seized in Skowhegan drug bust
That’s just rude. If you’re the guy caught in a motel room with tarantulas, you’ve really got to resent the story-upping antics of those schmucks in Skowhegan. It would be cool if these guys ran into each other in the cell block, though. They could start some sort of “Animal Kingdom” prison gang, teaming up with that guy who was caught in a torrid love affair with a giraffe a few years ago.
My allergies are killing me
So, on the very same day that I ran a column declaring no less than four times that I’m NOT an education reporter, those wise souls at the paper assigned me to cover a school committee meeting. I tell you, there was more irony floating around on Wednesday than pollen.

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