Mr. Bag Lady shared a tweet with me last week, a hey, check this weirdness out, and now my life may be forever rocked.

Let’s just get to it.

Heinz Smokey Baconnaise Sauce Online image

PIP PIP CHEERIO

The tweet was a photo of a Heinz picnic eight-pack taking up an absurd amount of space on a grocery store shelf with the classic squeeze bottles filled with, as it turns out, anything but classics inside.

And there it was:

Heinz Smokey Baconnaise Sauce.

Um. WHAT?

Google quickly informed Bag Lady that it was a U.K. thing. An absurd amount of dollars later — mostly for shipping, the bottle was only $6.01 — one is right now making the long trek to Maine and I could not be more chuffed.

Based on name alone it sounds amazing. My burgers are fired up and my buns are ready! Um. Well, you know.

When it arrives, I promise a full report.

TALKING THINGS U.K.

We’re up to Season 5 of “Love Island”‘s U.K.-version and officially watching like academics at this point.

“Oh! He is laying it on thick.” “You see that? She’s going in way too early.” “He just gave that random store clerk his number?!” (We actually split on the ethics and awfulness of the latter. Mr. BL: Eh. BL: DUMP HIM.) I believe Mr. Bag Lady is actually enjoying the show at this point, which, wonders never cease.

The whole viewing experience has made me decide I would not like to spend six to eight weeks in a swimsuit on a reality TV competition. Bring on the Maine flannel! Just keep those new seasons coming.

SPEAKING SEASONALLY

This year, I’m not sleeping on 2022.

It’s just two months and change away. Last year, due to poor calendrical planning, the Bag House ended up with an underwhelming 2021 Star Wars calendar in January.

The desperation buy fit the bill this year in that it has numbers and months on it, but otherwise, it’s all sketches and no pizazz.

Hello, calendars.com and 4,658 options.

We’re talking action movies and Airedales to Yorkshire terriers and everything in between. Don’t think Bag Lady didn’t look twice at the “Kilty Pleasures” calendar, which I assure you, I am not making up. Nor am I making up “Classic Outhouses 2022.” Or regular “Outhouses 2022,” which just has, like, less peeling paint?

In the end, it was nearly “You’re Bacon Me Crazy” — I mean, how fitting with my delivery on the way — but I ultimately landed on “I am Goat,” with pretty black and white photography and “wisdom from nature’s philosophers.”

So yeah, I’m feeling good about 2022. And Baconnaise.

Just hope neither let me down and give their number to a random store clerk.

Bag Lady’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who care not a whit about the kitchen calendar but do enjoy goats) and the customer service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at [email protected]


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