It’s a week before Christmas. Grab your butts.

With a mere seven days left to go, it’s time to either get in gear or deliberately decide not to get in gear, both of which are perfectly acceptable and Bliss-approved. It’s like a choose-your-own-adventure, but with more glitter and sangria.

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Step 1: Do you have enough goats?

It’s a well-known fact that Bag Lady is a big fan of Washington Post columnist Carolyn Hax and it’s through her annual Hootenanny of Holiday Horrors that I first discovered the singing Christmas goats.

Sure, they’re bleating, not singing, but this is no time to split hairs.

The cacophony that makes up 10 holiday tracks of “All I Want For Christmas Is A Goat” both grates and delights at the same time, which feels on brand for the whole season.


Consider goat yoga in a hay barn at Smiling Hill Farm if you want to continue that bleaty bliss into the new year.

With the song playing and my 2022 calendar awaiting, I am so goated up.

Step 2: Have you got your cards out?

If yes, kudos to you, you big planner.

If not, let’s let this one go. The U.S. Postal Service’s First Class service deadline is Dec. 17 this year.

There’s always next time, 2022 willing.


Step 3: Have you wrapped yet?

If yes, crack open that sangria this instant — you’re at peak holiday prep.

If not, consider your friend, tissue paper.

Lay out the full square, pinch it in the dead center with your right thumb and forefinger, bring it just under your left armpit, form a circle with your left arm and gently pull the sheet through your arm-circle. Voila! Tissue paper perfection. Insert into bag. Repeat two more times per gift bag. Donezo.

Consider lobster– or lobster and bouy-pattern tissue paper from to swank it up.

Step 4: Have you baked something amazing and Insta-worthy?


Just kidding. Step away from the stove! With half a dozen-plus local bakeries, there’s no reason to bake something fabulous for the holidays unless you truly enjoy it, and if you enjoy it, you probably got cracking weeks ago with starter doughs and dried cherries and turtle-doodle toppings and whatnot.

Step 5: There is no Step 5.

I think we did it! Now bring on that sangria and grab the closest goat.

Bag Lady’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who never bleat, thank you) and the customer service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at

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