Break it up, fellas!
Saw what appeared to be a vicious brawl on a Lisbon Street sidewalk the other day but it turned out to be just some guy trying to put on his coat in a heavy wind. Arms were flying, I tell you and from where I sat, it looked like the coat was getting the best of the guy. He probably had it coming.

Love hurts
I also saw a young man and woman walking hand in hand along Walnut Street in what appeared to be romantic bliss. Young love, ain’t it grand? But just before I passed them, the young lass thrust his hand away and stomped off down the sidewalk in a red-faced huff while her poor slob of a beau just stood there, arms in the air as if to implore: “What’d I say, baby? Aw don’t be like that.” If you give me three guesses, I bet I can come up with the specific words that cast such doom on the lovely scene. Because, you know. Experience.

You can’t argue with figures
My latest aggravation at the grocery store? Sales that require you to do math. If you buy three items of this brand coupled with two items of THAT brand while moving at 4 mph through the soup aisle, then the fourth item of the first brand is free while the third item of the second is half off. Don’t forget to carry the two, simpleton, or you will end up paying full price for nine cans of tuna that are actually albacore. It happened to a guy I know.

Can I get a rain check?
So, I’m just back from vacation — a soggy, dripping vacation that left a permanent squishy sound in my shoes. It seems to me that if it rains every day when a hardworking (sort of) fellow like myself is on vacation, he ought to get a do-over. So, yeah. I’m gonna swim back to OOB and I’ll see you in a week! Probably. It depends on the weather.

The beginning of the end
I hate to be a downer, but now that it’s officially summer, it’ll next be the Fourth of July, then the back-to-school sales, then Halloween and then black death for six months. My valiant efforts to pause time in late May have failed yet again, but I’ll get there my friends. Oh yes, I’ll get there. I think I just need to make the wormhole a little larger and use more bubble wrap. It’s all very scientific; I don’t expect you to understand.

Just kidding
I don’t hate to be a downer.

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