Talk of the Town Ernie Anderson

The big one!
I’m presently writing a column for the Sunday paper, which means by the time you read this the BIG SNOW STORM we’ve all been yacking about for a month is in the rear view mirror. And good riddance to it! The BIG ECLIPSE, meanwhile, is still a day away, so what am I supposed to say about it that hasn’t already been said? Surely by now you’re aware that the eclipse is coming to usher in the Biblical End of Days, which means you definitely shouldn’t put your shovels, ice scrapers and generators away just yet. The End of Days may be nearly as bad as last week’s storm, although current forecast models are still coming together.

Objects in the mirror may be dumber than they appear
And speaking of the eclipse, Maine State Police actually had to put out a warning advising people to take off their eclipse glasses before driving. It sounds funny but you just KNOW there’s a guy out there who thinks of this especially dark eyewear as just another free pair of sunglasses. He’s the same guy who doesn’t take his frozen pizza out of the box before shoving it in the oven because the warning on the label isn’t clear enough.

Two legs bad, six legs good
So, last week, Lewiston’s beleaguered city administrator called it quits and moved on. Angry mobs meanwhile are still pointing fingers at other municipal leaders and the city has had to completely rethink the changes they had planned for their system of safety inspections. This has been one of the most dramatic shakeups ever in the city and it all began, we’re told, with a single cockroach found at a local eatery. While all politicians vow to make big changes and address problems within local government, that lone bug got all of that done and more without ever making a single campaign speech. Which is why I firmly believe that our best choice in leadership is clear: Cockroach 2024! Isn’t it time we give vermin a chance?

The Viking way
Those of you who have been charting my wardrobe changes over the years should note that during my vacation, I bought a new pair of Wolverine Carlsbad soft toe boots to replace the heroic, yet rotting pair that have been on my feet for a decade or more. The old pair will be retired in the customary fashion and you’re all invited to the ceremony. I don’t know where I’m going to get a catapult and a burnable boat on short notice, but I’ll figure it out.

New (to me) product I’m wicked excited about
Toilet stamps! Ever heard of them? These suckers will change your life! Good LORD, but the world is full of wonders!

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