CREATED BY LILLIAN LAKE

Being a caregiver can be a tough job. We’ve come to think of a caregiver as someone who cares for someone ill. As a well-seasoned caregiver, caregiver advocate, and one who has needed intense care a few times over my lifetime, I’ve come to think of humans in general as caregivers. Still, I honor that each experience has specific circumstances.

In each caring experience, whether nursing, doctoring, teaching, parenting, caring for a loved one, etc., caregivers struggle to remember they, too, are worthy of care. “I have no time to care for myself.” We say it enough that we eventually learn it as truth. This is sometimes the case, but it’s essential for the caregiver’s health and harmonic living to carve out time to care for their needs.

It’s easy to get caught up thinking, “If we don’t do it, no one will.” My colleague, Amy Goyer, caregiver expert and consultant, uses a car’s gas tank as an example of ensuring enough fuel to keep the car going. Be sure to fill your tank with more than enough to keep you going. Fill it enough to thrive.

When I was caring for Betty in Delaware, with no one to help me — hospice is great, but it isn’t meant to fill all needs — I made sure I got at least 10 minutes a day to myself but strived for more. Often, that would come at the end of the day. Once she was tucked in, usually about 10 pm, I’d go out in her gated community and run three miles. I needed that time to unwind, clear my head, decompress, and handle my emotions. I strived to eat well enough to have the energy to lift her in and out of bed, help her dress, and take care of her home.

We are worthy of speaking up and having boundaries. I try to stay mindful in each experience that I am not indispensable. I’m not afraid or embarrassed to ask for help. I used my self-skills when addressing a situation with Betty’s estranged daughter. As a caregiver to others and myself, I am care-worthy.

Another example was Betty’s insistence that no small appliances be left on the counter. At first, I honored that request to minimize the disruption of having someone in her home. When it became clear that I would be there much longer, I stopped putting them in the cupboard. It was just the coffee maker and toaster, but the fact that I needed to be efficient meant she needed to give in, too. It was to both of our benefit.

Caregivers generally take their roles seriously and personally. When our person is hurting, we hurt. When they are in despair, we feel helpless; whatever we do, we think it won’t be enough. All of these feelings can be debilitating. Take time for silence. Ground yourself in a daily ritual that centers your emotional equilibrium. Yoga, journal, read, play games. Whatever helps to maintain equilibrium, do those things.

You are care-worthy.