It was Wednesday, mid-morning, September 1, 1971, just before Labor Day, that I watched my uncle and cousin carry my dad down the steps to my uncle’s Pontiac station wagon. My uncle was an NYFD paramedic; Dad would be in good hands. He passed away in the hospital at 5 p.m.

His funeral was that weekend. I started the new school year the day after Labor Day, just like nothing had happened. One day, my group was talking about a friend’s parents who had divorced over the summer. I said my father died. It was deemed that a divorce was worse.

Children’s Grief Awareness Day is in November each year. It presents an opportunity for schools and communities to learn about a child’s challenges when grieving a loss. A loss may be a loved one, a family breakup, or even a significant move in or from their family.

We don’t need to wait until November; with a new school year beginning, now is an excellent time to be aware of children’s challenges with grief. It’s crucial that there is community awareness and that supporting the child is not left singularly up to a social worker or therapist.

I’m sharing today ideas that I’ve gleaned from personal experience, attending the KidsGrief Webinars, presented by Andrea Warnick, RN, MA (kidsgrief.ca is a terrific resource and free), and as a trained volunteer as a bereavement children’s group leader at the Children’s Grief Center in Portland, Maine.

Every child has the right to and will grieve in their way. Crying and laughing are standard parts of a child’s life, especially when grieving. They may have anger and not know how to express it. They may become quiet and withdrawn or endeavor to create an environment that assures them security. They may never mention their loss. We don’t know what works for us as adults until we go through grief. The important thing is to provide a safe space for expression.

Grieving children have the right to participate in activities at the level of participation they feel comfortable with.

Don’t identify children by their loss. I was marked as a student who had lost a parent, was treated differently, and was presumed to have difficulties, but no support was given. Don’t let that happen. Allow children to be who they are and guide them on their journey.

Children may not want to talk about their loss. They have the right to privacy.

Grieving children may be targets of bullies or even become a bully. Having your world turned upside down feels unfair and can make you angry. There’s a struggle for control.

Don’t be afraid to mention the child’s parent or other loved one when appropriate. Children want to share; it makes them feel their loved one is not forgotten. Make that connection.

Talking about grief should be a natural part of all school programs, beginning in the early years. Community learning is helpful. Please participate in opportunities that show how to be with grieving children. Children’s tears matter.